Psychotoons

To help adults and children understand psychology.

Forums

Post Reply
Forum Home > A-Z Psychology > Faith, forgiveness, fortitude vs fear

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

How do I look for patterns? What are you talking about?

--

**JOYFUL MESSENGER

May 23, 2012 at 12:59 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

Most people that do not get along are operating from their survival mode, the lower nature. They somehow feel threatened by each other, usually from a history of hurting each other. Certain topics will be more hurting then others. They will over react to each other when these particular subjects are brought up. It could be subjects like  who gets to do what under certain circumstances. Or who should do what ever when ever. Any sensitive subject usually has a history behind it. When the subject is brought up people will start becoming defensive and bossy. 

 

By patterns I am referring to the sensitive subjects or circumstances  and who reacts first, second, third etc. and what are they saying. In these interactions look to see who is the perpetrator or aggressor, who is the victim, and if anyone is trying to rescuer the victim. Does the rescuer over do it and become the aggressor? What is making people defensive and how does the argument progress. These are the patterns to look for. Who gives up and bolts and at what stage of the pattern? For instance does the accuser bolt when they become the victim? Look for any repeated patterns from one argument to another. We can go from there.


May 23, 2012 at 3:10 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

July 4th 1776 Freedom is not free. People have laid down their lives and shed their blood that we might have freedom. We do not even think about the price that has been paid. We go about our business without a second thought. Take the time today to be thankful for your freedom, we are free!

--

**JOYFUL MESSENGER

July 2, 2012 at 12:22 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Freedom is guarded by wars but is created by the ability to start your own businesses and spread your own ideas. It is not free, it is gained by your own efforts and dedication to your passions. Freedom is a result of individuals demanding and allowing freedom. Everyone is the guard of freedom. Get an education and spread your word.

July 3, 2012 at 11:15 AM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

I hear tell that kids who do not have at least one stay home parent and that where one or both parents spank too hard that these kids are much more likely to get into drugs, alcohol, and gangs. I think that is true. I see kids with too much freedom too soon and they end up waring with each other in the streets. I think they get over their head with too much freedom too soon and they loose their faith in others, their fears get out of hand and they do not have the love to have the fortitude to forgive so they battle to the death. Freedom like all things takes time and effort, it has to be nurtured.

--


July 9, 2012 at 2:57 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Being and Living free is like a gift. Some one had to pay the price. If we look at Christianity, the Messiah had to  pay the ultimate price. We are set free when we believe. That is what I believe

--

**JOYFUL MESSENGER

July 10, 2012 at 11:21 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

It takes a lot of faith to live and walk in the stuggles of everyday life.

--

**JOYFUL MESSENGER

July 10, 2012 at 11:22 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

The worst kids, the kids that get into the worst situations and do the most crime, had no love and no discipline, the second worse group, that does less crime then the first but more then the third group, had discipline but no love. The third group, that does even less undesirable things, had love but no discipline. The best group that does the best and the least bad things had both love and discipling. Kids need both discipline and love, and love should be the greater of the two. Love is a glues that binds people together and they want to please each other. To please others you have to be good to them. So if a parent stays home with their kids they have more of a chance to feel loved, and if they are disciplined they know better what to do to keep that love. So what you heard makes sense.

July 10, 2012 at 11:25 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Talk about family disfunction:(I have two sisters that are killing each other with hatred, anger, bitterness, and fighting.

One sister who is older is needy. She will fight to the death for love and acceptance. It gets her no where. The younger sister refuses to even begin to understand her. Instead of communication and humility she rises up in hatred and pride and attacks. She has absolutely no understanding nor wisdom when it comes to loving her sister. At birthdays and holidays the older sister is totally shunned and not invited to the parties and family functions and this in turn keep the patterns going fighting for love.

The younger has played the silent treatment and taunts and makes fun of the weakness of her older sister...now they are playing their mother against each other. No sister will listen to advice...they are too hateful and broken...

What can outsiders do to make peace?

--

**JOYFUL MESSENGER

December 26, 2012 at 4:03 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

To know what to do you have to know why your two sisters are the way they are. From a biological point of view the older one may lack what it takes to get love out of others, even from parents when she was small. It can be from her looks, lack of intelligence, or lack of empathy. She may not of been as aware of human traits to 'work' her parents for love. Not all children are born alike. Then it can also be because she may have been mistreated more then the other kids, the father may have hurt her, the mother may have then neglected her, the siblings may have picked on her. Family dynamics can set up all kinds of scenarios. Also the older sister may not have a belief system or philosophy to deal with the unequal treatment. She then may live by and act from reactions from hurt and hatred rather then from love and nurturance. This could make her needy . And if she was mistreated it will bring up to the surface her lower nature, in other words she may deceive, be greedy, blame, and be aggressive, like stealing and fighting. You have to look at these four areas, bio-childhood-beliefs-actions, and their lower nature equivalents, lying-greed-blaming-aggression, to see which are stronger and why. 

 

To help her you would have to give her lots of insights to see with, love to lean on and learn from, confront her dysfunctional thinking and replace it with working concepts, and have an atmosphere of love and tolerance from you and those around her. From what you are saying about the younger sister, that is not happening. Which tells me she also does not have insight, a loving heart, a working philosophy, nor loving habits. It points to the family dynamics. They probably grew up in a conflictual family where love was not given unconditionally or maybe not given at all.

 

Both sisters need to become humble enough to seek help from a counselor. Humility comes from love and beliefs. You are asking what you can do? If you are keen at observing and seeing their patterns and know the family dynamics you can begin to confront how they think, but be careful they will turn on you too, it has to be done only at times they are receptive, usually when they are joking and laughing or when they are trying to figure it out and they feel safe. They must feel safe or their lower natures will strike out at you. If you are around them, and SAFE from them jerking you around, and you can confront them gently, so as not to get them rilled up, it is possible to begin to change them. You have to be very secure in yourself as they will go for any weakness in you. They will wear you down and enjoy it. In other words, you have to give up any of those family dynamics that they harbor. People from dysfunctional families can be very paranoid, and read into your best behaviors unintended criticism. If they do not want to learn from you they will make sure they do not. Does this help any?


December 31, 2012 at 4:11 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

What you are saying is true and yes it is helpful. Thank you. I just wish I could reach out and put love in their hearts but I can't. I guess I can only listen to their troubles and pray for them. They refuse any and all advice. The older one will sometimes protest it and the younger one will refuse any and all advice and tell you to your face that she doesn't want to hear from you. So I can only hope that any words I give will help them. Who knows. Do you think that it will ever sink in?

--

**JOYFUL MESSENGER

January 6, 2013 at 10:57 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Yes, never give up, as they get older and wiser your words will return to them and make more sense. If we give up we are telling the world that we do not care what they do. Everyone should be telling others what is right and wrong. What other guides and wisdom is there in the world for many but what they hear from others. It takes hours and hours of socializing and thinking to know what is right and wrong or how to go about doing the healthiest and wise things to do. So continue to tell them what the world is about in as non judgmental way as you can. We are talking about what WORKS in life not what should be for other reasons. The best and wisest things in life are WISE and RIGHT because they work the best for self and others promoting life and happiness. Spread the word!

January 7, 2013 at 3:38 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Humility? Humility? NOOO there is only pride and anger between these family members. It would take an act of God to bring forgiveness and peace. Maybe that should be my prayer "Lord bring forgiveness and peace between these two sisters." Do you believe in prayer and faith or does the science of psychology shun such arcaic beliefs?

--

**JOYFUL MESSENGER

March 24, 2013 at 9:08 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

My dear friend, how many times have I mentioned that psychology comes from the bible. The bible came first, psychology second, and science third to show the biological chemical causes of why the truths in the bible and other religions were truths. Remember that religion and science are both from the human mind.

 

Anger and pride are all defense systems. They are defensive because they feel attached and helpless against the feelings of fear and anxiety when they talk to each other. Ironically they are both very humble inside and hiding it because they feel attacked. I say they are humble because they feel inferior. Pride covers that up.

 

What they need is to feel more power inside, more stability, more grace and forgiveness, more knowledge as to how to go about being civil with each other, how they can be more trusting because they understand each others fears and real limitations. They are just puffing up with anger to hide their humbleness. How is that explanation for a bowl full of apples?

March 26, 2013 at 9:07 AM Flag Quote & Reply

You must login to post.