|Posted on December 25, 2012 at 9:35 PM||comments (0)|
One step forward, one step back, or at lease one foot nailed to the floor. I passed my prelims with not problems as the conditions were just right for me. We have to build our environments to work for us. That I did and it was exillerating. The next step was to get my research done. The doctorate was awarded but not yet granted. I had to finish the resarch. I had done all the hands on and book research, just not finished the book of my readings, experiment, and statistical results. A new set ...Read Full Post »
|Posted on December 17, 2012 at 10:50 PM||comments (0)|
I studied my lists intensely and was ready for the four days of testing. The night before I was to leave and travel 300 miles to take them my second son had friends over and they would not quiet down. We can not always control other peoples teenagers. I did not get much sleep.
I headed out the next morning early, I was sleepy. I had driven about 200 miles and I almost feel asleep at the wheel. I looked up and the landscape was a blur. I could tell nothing. Some...Read Full Post »
|Posted on December 12, 2012 at 2:15 PM||comments (0)|
My task was to make a list of words to jog my memory. I knew I was a top down learner, that is I had to see the whole picture first as I could not remember details without it. I had to have the concepts first to give enough meaning to the details so I could recognize them. A fresh list of words was meaningless to me, but if each word was a character in a concept story I could recognize it. I could recognize the word as part of a story and the story would give me the definition. It was the sto...Read Full Post »
|Posted on December 4, 2012 at 7:15 AM||comments (0)|
I did not feel good about my prelims. I waited for the mail, the uneventful moment of opening the envelope and reading that I had failed. Sure enough it came, and yes I had failed. That would not stop me, not now, not after all I had gone through to stay in the program. I knew I had to have more memory aids to pass. I had gone through all the testing and established my disabilities. What had seemed like a tragedy and waste of time (the student lying about me, going for testing, and finding o...Read Full Post »
|Posted on November 28, 2012 at 2:15 PM||comments (0)|
Then the answers began to come. The math teacher said she thought I was unsociable because I did not go to the Tavern with the others. From there she had assumed I did not go because I was unsociable. That is where the other student, that lied about me, had found a weak spot in the teacher's thinking to plant the lie that I had tormented the YWCA student for the fun of it. There was no way I could of seen it coming or avoided it.
The math teacher thanked ...Read Full Post »
|Posted on November 20, 2012 at 5:00 PM||comments (0)|
An overly ambitious person will eventually hang themselves. The one I suspected of setting me up to get my teaching job could not settle for only that. Some where their was a rumor that she was not loving and was too selfish and she had flirted with the wrong person. She soon announced that she was getting married. So sudden and unknown to anyone. She would drive through town with her new husband to show others she was a family person.
She then decided to g...Read Full Post »
|Posted on November 14, 2012 at 8:35 AM||comments (0)|
The Counseling and Speech department sent a letter to my department with the testing results. I wondered what effect it would have. They now knew I was in many ways blind and in ways deaf. If my behavior seemed odd to them they now knew I was mentally normal and intelligent but handicapped. The rumor that I was the instigator of the incident that had occurred with the YWCA women was in question, they had no evidence that I had a personality disorder that would drive me to such a thing.Read Full Post »
|Posted on October 24, 2012 at 1:40 PM||comments (0)|
Well, I took the Personality test, the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, the best psychological test ever designed. My results were so normal the tester said I was boring. So my Mental Health was ok. I told the tester that I had struggled all my life, that I was challenged to keep up with others. Something had to be wrong. I could not have had so many problems to be ok.
So he decided to test me further. He gave me an IQ test, the best there is. I cam...Read Full Post »
|Posted on October 24, 2012 at 1:30 PM||comments (0)|
The sign was unusual, I had to take a test, in Statistics. My teacher, one of the players, taught a series of lessons, I was not following her. She knew I was her best student, but instead of taking note that if I did not understand her the others may not either, she sent me to the back of the room after so many questions and I was not to speak. The days went by and then the test. Of course I flunked it. But so did everyone else, then she realized that her teaching material was beyond us. She...Read Full Post »
|Posted on October 17, 2012 at 10:45 AM||comments (0)|
I had learned early in life that to ask questions can turn against you unless you ask in all humility and are sensitive to the other persons feeling, and to give them plenty of time to answer. Otherwise people will get defensive and they are much more likely to lie to you or do more harm then good.
So I looked at all the players in the game of keeping the secret as to what had happened that I was blamed and chastised for something I knew nothing about and was n...Read Full Post »
|Posted on October 17, 2012 at 10:10 AM||comments (0)|
I never did go to the YWCA where the women had originated. They came to my study class and I asked them what they knew. They had been given and published the wrong date. Their little gathering had happened spontaneously. So I reasoned that the event had not been planned, someone just took advantage of the situation and blamed me. The result of blaming me lost my the teaching job I enjoyed the most, it was a prestigious job. It was given to a fellow student who had been wanting it. My first su...Read Full Post »
|Posted on October 11, 2012 at 6:45 PM||comments (0)|
I always wondered why some people get all the good luck and others none. Well, I was given the good luck of a part time teaching assistant for the Counseling Psychology program. They were impressed with my research. And it went really really well. I enjoyed teaching the class. All my counseling classes were easy as I had had a very good masters program, better then their Ph.D program. So I took additional classes in developing psychological tests and in ethnography. I was in seve...Read Full Post »
|Posted on October 3, 2012 at 12:45 PM||comments (0)|
The letter came from the other University. I half heartedly opened it. Not in a million years would I be accepted. Not I, not I who could not read until college, not I who still could not spell, who had such a slow start, who never succeeds at much at all, who seems to always be a day late, dollar short, and behind everyone in what needs to be remembered.
I had joined the Army Reserves in 1974 and could not seem to get beyond E5. Because of all the memory work...Read Full Post »
|Posted on September 19, 2012 at 11:25 AM||comments (0)|
If I had stayed at home no one would of ever noticed my unique talents, just my failures. People often judge us by our failure rather then our successes. Failures are more noticeable and can stick out like a sore thumb if it interferes with others lives. But our talents are often not seen because there is no situations to bring them out, or no one around us who is in-tune with or looking for those talents. If we are digging ditches there is little opportunity to disp...Read Full Post »
|Posted on September 19, 2012 at 10:50 AM||comments (0)|
I never thought about my past efforts, which did not seem to lead to success, that they would lead to success in the future. But they do become our tools. When I had been sick for about six months and had read about one hundred books on one subject, I had not even imagined they would be the bases for my masters thesis and then from there to my Ph.D dissertation.
I had taken classes at one university after being sick and I had written A+ papers from the ma...Read Full Post »
|Posted on September 12, 2012 at 11:30 AM||comments (0)|
MY HANDICAP SAVES ME
Because of my handicap, to compete, I had to learn things better then most. It may take a bit longer, and I may have to understand a bit better, and I may have to learn a bit more but it pays off. I was required to take a class that most students failed. I read the book like most others but I had to think about it more, highlight the book more, take more notes in the class.
I was scared. This was a class to eliminate students. The day...Read Full Post »
|Posted on August 8, 2012 at 12:15 PM||comments (0)|
I was in the office of the counselor that was to help me set up my graduate classes. He had just told me all my arrangements with the fellowship was withdrawn and so my acceptance to the university was also withdrawn. I was stunned. I just sat there speechless. I had learned from undergraduate dealings with universities to be patient, there is a way, its is trying to find the path. I just stared at the man and gently said that I had just rented my house, had given up the job for ...Read Full Post »
|Posted on August 8, 2012 at 11:55 AM||comments (0)|
I couldn't believe it and perhaps shouldn't have. The department was offering a fellowship to go to graduate school. I immediately jumped on it. I applied to graduate school and for the fellowship. I could not believe it, I was accepted for both.
Months before this (both my Grandparents had passed years before). My paternal aunt offered me the opportunity to buy my paternal Grandmothers house. There was no way I could but my mother purchased it outright after &...Read Full Post »
|Posted on August 8, 2012 at 11:30 AM||comments (0)|
I had been living in a small three room shack with my three sons. There was only one bed room too small for three beds so I constructed overlapping beds for them from plywood. There was no shower or tub so I bought a large wash tub and would bath them in that after heating water for it. It was quite primitive for the times but much like life long ago.
I had taken two independent studies at the university created from what I had read and learned when I was...Read Full Post »
|Posted on August 8, 2012 at 11:10 AM||comments (0)|
I watched people with pleasant personalities become cold hearted working with the system and not wanting to loose their jobs. I was put in that position. We are all handicapped in some way. And the system is not made for us, that is what makes us handicapped. In this case it was the elderly. Now I had a special spot in my heart for the elderly. My grandmother was my first and biggest hero.
I had moved on from being a receptionist to being a financial work...Read Full Post »