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A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

How would you respond to this from a Psychological point of veiw?

1. Sense of unworthiness. This is a constant feeling of inadequacy and inferiority; an inner nagging that says, "I'm no good. I'll never amount to anything. No one could ever possibly love me. Everything I do is wrong." So what happens when this type of person becomes a Christian? Part of his mind believes and accepts God's love and forgiveness, and feels at peace for a while. Then, suddenly, everything within him rises up and cries out, "It's all a lie!!"Don't believe it! Don't pray; there's no one up there to hear you anyway! No one really cares about you! How could God possibly love someone like YOU?!?!" His deep, inner scars must be touched by the Balm of Gilead.

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

July 18, 2013 at 9:52 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

When a child is not loved and is abused the child is often in their Lower Nature, a small primitive part of the brain that houses flight and fight. Then another part of the brain does not develop properly, the part that sends good phrases and words to the upper brain that results in good self esteem. Instead the brain gets messages from the Lower Nature that they are no good, not worth being loved. Even as adults these messages will be in the background and come out when you are in any situation that could turn on you, or during great successes, you will have the nagging negative past saying you do not deserve success, or God's blessing.

 

Now doubting your beliefs is a safety valve. If you believed everything you ever seen, heard, or felt you would counteract yourself, you would become too ridged to learn, and you would never learn all the perspectives and features of your beliefs. So doubt is there so you keep learning. But in your moments of doubts the nagging negative feelings will pop up, or the negative thought will make you doubt even more.

 

Solution, don't believe your negative thoughts, doubt them, and then look for the situations that threaten you, they could be situations that trap you in helplessness OR in situations that are so great and wonderful you fear you will trip it up and loose out. Fear, fear is the trigger that brings up the old negative thoughts and feelings. It was fear that you felt when you were not loved and when you were abused. Lets call it a flashback from childhood.

 

How do you handle flashbacks? First you recognize it is from the past. Ask if the thought and feelings are similar to when you were an abused child. If so your thoughts and feelings are those of a child not of an adult. So it is time NOT to believe them. If an abused child is in front of you what would you do. Comfort them, of course. So then it is time to comfort yourself, not with addictions and chemical abuse, but throw in front of your doubt and negative thinking a barrage of peaceful sights and memories of good feelings, great beliefs and promises, and take positive actions. That is the Balm of Gilead. In other words do not feed doubt with dooms day thoughts but build up your self esteem and good feelings.

 

People can get hooked into dooms day and negativeness by increasing their adrenaline and fighting others, trying to control others, just as the little child wanted to do. This can be addictive. The act of fighting back can be addictive. Avoid reacting with adrenaline, raised voices, or other provocative or resentful behavior. Some people alienate others with such behavior and the defensive victim will either withdraw or fight back if that is the only options you leave open to them. You want to apply the Balm. I do not care if you think the Balm is a bunch of bull, it will work if you apply it, just apply it and you will get in the habit of calming yourself. You can even think of your most favorite things, totally irrelevant to the present. But such thought can break the cycle of dooms day perceptions, feeling, thinking, and acting out.

July 18, 2013 at 7:08 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Kids can be cruel. They tease and call names. They have birthday parties but don't invite one child. It is left out of the group. The child may feel hurt or angry or inadequate. When it happens as an adult, the adult may feel the same way. hurt, angry or inadequate. Do you call that a flashback or is it just life?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

July 30, 2013 at 1:14 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

That's a flashback. As kids we live in a very little world where we are dependent on others to feel safe and worthy, and everyone else is bigger then life. As adults we reassess the abilities of others and of situations and can say to ourselves, 'I am ok, either they can not see that or their world is not big enough to include me, and I feel sorry for them.' Also we can nurture others even if they snub, hoping to increase their world, but little children find that hard to do unless the snubber is a parent. Abused children need parents so badly they often will accept them and want them no matter what. As adults we like to include our parents in our lives but we do fine without them. We lick our wounds and move on. If we can not do that then we are having flashbacks of the helplessness of the child we once were. Does that make sense?

July 30, 2013 at 11:02 PM Flag Quote & Reply

realsisters2@gmail.com
Member
Posts: 259

How can we teach children empathy. As Joyful Messenger stated above,'kids can be cruel.' The news is showing teenage boys and girls being cruel to other children or adults. They seem to be cold and violent. How do these kids get this way? What are the steps in creating a violent child?

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November 22, 2013 at 9:59 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

A child’s brain is still developing and the empathetic part of the brain is not really well developed until about 23 to 26. So if a person does not take care helping a child develop and get into the habit of being empathetic they can be real cold in their feelings, thoughts, and actions toward others. A child is in the stage of being nurtured and protected by adults, not in the stage of life to protect other children or adults. When another child is different it can disturb other children’s fear. Fear is there from day one. When fear is the pivot emotion in a situation it can engage the primitive survival mode of the brain, and the survival mode is deceptive, greedy, blaming, and aggressive.

 

So if an older kid is in a gang they share their survival mode and practice daily being aggressive or violent. Their brain connections become violence oriented. They get addicted to adrenaline and like a drug junky they will get bored easily if they are not getting their fix of adrenaline. With any addiction empathy is lowered even more. They are so focused and organized around their addiction that they do not stop to think about others. They can become aggressive robots much like soldiers that have been in combat too long and will try an create conflict, the soldier may go in a village on their own and start shooting. Our gang teens may create violence in the streets. Our kids in the street often see more combat then most soldiers. And they are even younger then the soldiers so less able to process it, so they get more disoriented to normal life.

 

When a kid joins a gang they are often sworn in for life and will be beaten, harmed, or killed if they try and quit. Gangs are a form of Human Trafficking, slavery. Because they are trapped in the organized crime they often are depressed, bored, and taken to their physical limits. Their brains are breaking down. We often think gangs are a spontaneous formation of groups of boys. But most gangs are the foot soldiers for higher up drug dealers and organized crime. The boys themselves may not know who is behind their formation. Gangs are often a business, they can be franchised and ran by older men who rake in the money while the boys put their lives on the line and many die. Gangs are not that far from organized prostitution. We can blame the teenage girls but there is someone making money off them. We can blame boys in a gang but there is someone making money off them. Boys are just as niece and victimized as girls are. Both have brains that are not yet fully developed.

November 24, 2013 at 5:03 PM Flag Quote & Reply

realsisters2@gmail.com
Member
Posts: 259

Very interesting but you left on question unanswered. How do we teach children to be empathetic. What are the steps that put a child in their lower natures. What are the steps to get them back into their upper natures?

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November 24, 2013 at 11:23 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Good question, how do we teach children to be empathetic. Their brains have not developed yet, empathy usually is fully developed around 22 to 25. Some people never do develop it. To teach empathy before its time or to those who will never develop it, it is a matter of correct habits. These are best taught by example. Children mimic and learn vicariously. If we are not empathetic it is very hard to teach it. A loving parent, grandparent, or other who is empathetic and nurturing is nature’s way to teach a child.


For those children that it is hard to learn, say they are ADD, ADHD, manic, or impulsive we have to teach them daily until they grow into such habits. For the hard to learn we can take an incident in which they have not shown empathy, say a child hits the family pet, and gently stop them and show love to the animal and to the child simultaneously, emphasizing the pain the animal felt and stating, as we pet the pet and hug the child, that we want the pet to feel our love and feel better.


Remember a child does not process language well until the brain is fully developed. But their emotions are very strong. So we want to elicit the emotion as we talk and label those emotions. It is our very love from our Upper Natures that puts a child in their Upper Nature. It is the selfish acts in our Lower Natures that ups children in their Lower Natures. To be in our Upper Natures we need to follow the four steps of the brain, perception, emotions, thought, and action. So with the child we help them look for the good in others and life, feel more love then fear, have faith in love and the future, and practice kind acts. Teaching children these steps by demonstration is the best way kids learn.


This is why punishment does not work well, it demonstrates the Lower Nature. If we do punish a child to emphasis your pain with them, lets say you spank the hand that went into the cooky jay, it needs to be followed by love, demonstrating the advantage of being in your Upper Nature love.

November 29, 2013 at 4:32 PM Flag Quote & Reply

realsisters2@gmail.com
Member
Posts: 259

What do you do with the kid that just does not get it? I may follow all your steps above but they continue to repeat their mistakes and maintain their bad attitudes. I help them see what they did, love them, explain to them, and show them but nothing changes.

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November 29, 2013 at 6:16 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

If you have done all you can think of and what I have suggested to no avail, well, you need to look at the child. We want to look at their genetics or alterations due to birth trauma, sickness, or accidents. Is the child biologically able to do what you ask. They can be low in resources, or neurologically challenged, such as ADD or ADHD. To expect the impossible is hard on child and caretaker. If their is a problem we have to find a solution that will work. You may want to google it and follow up with professional help if nothing others suggest helps either. You can also contact me with concerns. You can email me, ruthcurrah@yahoo.com, or if you want lengthy help you can go to the store above under More and contact me for counseling.


The second main stumbling problem is the child may be emotionally disturbed. If so you may want to look at counseling to see if the problem can be defined and look at solutions that may work. A child has to trust and love someone to cooperate. But if they don’t have that or if they can not trust love they will not risk. A common problem is when a step parent enters the picture and tries to discipline before being emotionally acceptable to the child, the child will fight. If a child has been abused by adults or have lived with adults who were weak or unreliable, then the child may not trust adults or authority because they are use to doing things their way for survival.


The older child may not have a belief system that encourages them to cooperate. If they belong to a gang or pimp they may be marching to a different drum and out of survival. Gangs and prostitution are human trafficking and kids may believe they have no other choices.


A child may be spoilt or have bad habits and addictions that they do not know how to get out of. If they are on drugs, pot included, their brains may not be working well. The list goes on and on. If you want to refer to any one child and their symptoms I will be glad to suggest ideas. So you can ask in the forum, email me, or ask for counseling or coaching.

December 2, 2013 at 4:23 PM Flag Quote & Reply

realsisters2@gmail.com
Member
Posts: 259

I work with school kids as a paraprofessional. There are a lot of kids that puzzle me. There is this little guy, about 5. He will never look at me. He just fiddles with objects. He does not interact with many other kids. I ask him to do things and he ignores me. What do you think is going on with him and how do I handle him to get him to obey?

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December 4, 2013 at 10:58 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

It sounds like he may be in the spectrum for Asperger syndrome. We use to call it nurdy. If he refuses to look at you but keeps busy and loves to fiddle with objects he is not disobeying. He is just not seeing the relevance of doing things that are not pleasant to him. I would not push or punish him. You just have to help him find the task more interesting. Each child is different, try different things. Do the task with him, add more of his talents into the task. He may love details, help him see and manipulate them with him. Get on the floor with him and play they same games or activities he is doing. You have to enter his world. If you find that hard then you know it is hard for him to enter your world. Appreciate his world and he will be more comfortable in yours.

 

There can be secondary things going on. If he has gotten a lot of negative feedback from others he may be a bit oppositional. Don’t get entangled in that. Avoid it if possible. Social interaction may not be his cup of tea. Nurdy children tend to be good learners and learn all the lessons but social interactions. But the world has plenty of jobs for him. He will do fine if you are fine with him. If that does not help him and you perhaps there are other things going on. What do you think?

December 5, 2013 at 5:58 PM Flag Quote & Reply

realsisters2@gmail.com
Member
Posts: 259

 

I think that explanation helps a lot. It is always good practice not to push or punish kids that do not conform. I can see where his world is as important to him as mine is to me and just as confusing to each other. But you hit it on the nail when you suggested he has an oppositional disorder. If I ask him to do something he bucks it. It is as if he refuses just cause I asked. He may do the task if I don’t ask. What should I do?

 

Then there is this other kid who is so shy. She is almost a shadow. What do you think is going on and what should I do to motivate her?


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December 9, 2013 at 1:43 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

If asking him to do something makes him feel you are trapping him then don’t ask, just tell him what to do. This may sound cold, but a child with weak social skills may not know how to react to a question asking for compliance. It adds an uncomfortable task. They might not know how to answer you, not know how to please you. So they bulk. But it you tell them what to do, how to do it, they may comply better because it is simpler. No decisions on how to comply, how to emotionally comply. Just being told what to do is simpler.

 

A very shy child may have the same dilemma, they do not know how to please you, but for the opposite reason. Instead of having lower emotional sensitivity, they may have over sensitivity. They may feel they have to do a lot more to satisfy you then they dare risk, they may want to please you with the same emotions of deep loyalty as they do things for their mother or other relatives they are very close and loyal to. So when you ask for something they may feel they need to satisfy you to a higher degree then they know how. They wait for the deep emotional cues that you may not be giving. In other words, you are the nerdy person.

 

You can try and give them that loving loyal emotion. Or you may have to just tell them what to do in detail. It can be harder to get the shy child to comply then with the nurds child because there are more emotions to step on. Communication is best when both parties are similar in awareness, emotions, concepts, and experiences. That is why we usually do a better job of communication with our own children then with others children.

December 9, 2013 at 11:05 PM Flag Quote & Reply

realsisters2@gmail.com
Member
Posts: 259

OK so far. Kinda useful information. Something to think about. But there is this other kid in the preschool class that is a real challenge. He is only in the three to four year old range. He can be sweet and attentive but at times he strikes out. He may jump onto the book shelves, scatter as many toys as he can, attack other children, or even the adults. And the worst part about it is he is usually laughing the entire time. He can have a preschool classroom in chaos and crises in a matter of moments. What is going on with this kid?

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December 12, 2013 at 10:50 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Well, the laughing suggests he has been taught by cynical adults or older children. I would look into his family history and see if there are some older brothers or cousins that have taught him to cause chaos and laugh about it, like a game. Somethings just are not natural for three to four years olds. It is possible he has some brain tumors or fibers that cause such behavior but there are usually other things going on that alert medical personnel that unnatural brain activity is happening. So I am answering as if this has been ruled out.

 

If you look at the conditions that the teachers are imposing that keeps him sweet and cooperative, that is the environment that does not allow the game playing. The child may be a little bi-polar child that loves overactivity. Sports may be his gift, especially if he can leap around so quickly. Soccer or basketball, or any fast moving sport may be what he will enjoy. Public schools have a sports program specifically for that purpose. Our gifted little jocks can then take it out in the gym instead of the classroom. Perhaps this little guy needs more recesses to burn off the energy.

December 14, 2013 at 11:40 AM Flag Quote & Reply

realsisters2@gmail.com
Member
Posts: 259

OK, that too makes sense. But the adults who work with him do not know what to do. Only one teacher can keep him in check. She seems to be very structured and everything in her classroom is like a well running clock. Does that really help him, or is he just in a quiet prison?

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December 19, 2013 at 10:54 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Thats funny but you could say its a type of prison if there is no TLC or love. But teachers and staff are usually caring. You could say it does help him but the child's environment at home has to change and his caregivers or parents need to lovingly change his ways. He might be a bipolar child to get so much enjoyment playing 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.'

December 21, 2013 at 3:15 PM Flag Quote & Reply

realsisters2@gmail.com
Member
Posts: 259

Had a good Christmas. Lot of family drama. Do they store it up for the holidays? I am beginning to think it is a day of mourning. I am almost afraid of New Years. What do you think of New Years resolutions? Most people say it is a waste of time. What do you think?

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December 30, 2013 at 4:18 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

Well, holidays that bring families together is always asking for a old or new conflict to come up for resolving. If the wise old members are there it can be like a therapy session. Counseling became famous as family meetings were getting scarce.

 

New Year days have always been a time of hullabaloo and letting off old frustrations of the past year and hope for the new year to resolve them. I think resolutions are great if you see easy and possible steps to accomplish them. I love to make them and bring them to be. It gives me a sense of progress instead of dashed dreams.

 

Will you share your resolutions past and or present?


January 1, 2014 at 3:49 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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