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A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

How much of our psychological problems are caused by  just the happenings of life and our perceptions and how many of them are caused by personality?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

June 17, 2013 at 12:00 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

That is a hard question to answer. Many people try to address. I will adventure to say 90 percent of our mental problems are caused by our personalities, that is personalities shaped by biological physiology, Childhood experiences, our beliefs, and demands of immediate situations such as what personality our job requires of us. Unless we have experienced a lot of abuse or fantastic treatment as a child, have horrifying beliefs, and horrific environments I would adventure to say 70 percent of our personality and mental makeup we were born with. Very little is caused by events around us unless they are in the very extreme.

 

My website psychotoons.blogspot.com begins to explain our personalities and how they are affected by or affect our families, relationships or beliefs, and our jobs and situations. I will be adding to them within a month or so and am about to put up another blog on Wordpress that will go over social and personality traits and how they interact. This web site addresses how to change our personality tendencies. I will be adding to it. Ask more specific questions and it will be easier to answer.


June 18, 2013 at 11:30 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

That is interesting that you say that  70 percent of our make up we were born with. Some children are born with a happy go lucky attitude and others are born moody and cranky. There personalities don't change just because they are older. I think a true friend knows you by your true personality. How do you relate to someone who is different from your self?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

June 19, 2013 at 1:48 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

I think it really helps to be able to see the other person's personality and their limits rather then to feel overwhelmed and judgmental. When we are negatively judgmental of others we are actually judging them from our personality disorder. I guess you could say another thing to help us tolerate others is to realize our own personality bias that gets in our way to understanding others.

 

We look at the four steps of our Upper Nature, to perceive, fear or love, philosophy, and habits. We need to support and enhance these with accurate perception, loving nature, belief that others do what they think is best for the time and moment, and habits that help us to be servants for others. Then we need to look at our similar four steps of our Lower Nature, deceiving, greedy, blaming others, and our addictions and aggressiveness. We need to limit these so our Upper Natures are at their best.

 

Next we see how others are struggling with the same process, as it is natural to try and be fair and accurate, but are having problems that stop them from doing so, frustrate them, make them judgmental and aggressive. We can then treat them in a way that will help them not be defensive and in their lower nature, but will support them being fair and accurate. Then we all get along better.

June 19, 2013 at 10:23 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Sometimes you don't know thier limitations until you are attacked by their defenses. For instance, I went swimming with a friend the other day and her swim suit was totally see-through on the back side. I mentioned it to her and she totally went negative. She said she knew there was a rip in the butt area but when I tried to tell her that not only was it ripped it was see through she went defensive. "Don't tell me agian. Your such a piss ant. Go into the ohter area until I am dressed. I complied. I never know when or what will make her defensive. How do you deal with something like that?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

June 25, 2013 at 1:48 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Learning about other people is a trial and error experience. But if you take note each time you will soon learn what you can get away with and what you can not. But in general, when you are in a situation with someone and you tell them about your observations you need to be careful how many times you repeat a situation. This is where you need to be very observant. In general, if you say something once it is information, if you say it again it is humiliation, if you say it thrice it is irritation, and if you say it a fourth time it is aggressive.


There is a rhythm to conversation, which can vary from culture to culture or even family to family, and if you break that rhythm you irritate others and they will not want to be around you, it is sort of like a dance, and if you have two left feet they do not want to dance. You may say that is not fair, but it is human nature. We respect the limitations of our pets but often find it hard to accept the limitations of our family.


They are not totally free from limitations any more then we are. And they may not be able to figure us out either. So we are back to trial and error and taking close observations and staying within their limits. I always say that we get the short end of the stick. But then, they say and feel the same way. Its a delicate dance we must lean. And it keeps changing. Live and let live, we are all struggling to figure it out. War is a result of gross misunderstandings between nations.

June 27, 2013 at 9:54 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

I have noticed that when I am talking with someone that the conversation seems to be one sided. If I say something to you and you do not respond, I may say it again to see if I can get a response. To me conversation goes back and forth. Okay instead of repeating myself how can I get the person to respond to what I have just said? or at least acknowledge that they have heard me?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

July 23, 2013 at 11:19 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

How you say it is the secret. And how you say it depends on the personality and likes and dislikes of the other person. So if you see a beautiful flower and you want a Nurd to converse with you the first thing you may want to say is 'see that rose, the color is deep magenta.' They love detail and so may respond, 'no, I think it is more pinkish." If you have a paranoid person next to you and you want them to respond you may say, 'that pink rose over there has a camera on it, those darn park people are spying on us.' If it is a loving person, 'that rose over there looks so warm.' To an intellectual you may say, 'the genre of the flower over there was used in the peace marches to help calm the crowd because its color calms the brain.' To an active person you may mention that the flower in mind helps the muscles in a tea. You get the idea.

 

So in general if you make the comment pertinent to them and do not make them defensive or otherwise think you are intrusive you are more likely to get an answer. Also if you go beyond their ability to answer you in a quick way you will not get an answer. Lets say you ask them if they think the rose was an appropriate flower in the spray at Buckingham Palace during the inauguration, well, the baby just fell over and they respond to the baby before they can catch up with your request. Or they may think you are an idiot for asking such a question. So they do not answer and divert the attention to the baby who just got up and needs to be dusted off.

 

Yes, a conversation goes back and forth like the ball in ping pong. But before the other person returns your rally you need to know that they want to play. So you have to learn their gestures and ways of saying they are ready and able to play. And don't slam dunk them unless they can play hard ball. Does this help? What else are you looking for?

July 23, 2013 at 1:55 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Yes I guess it does help a little. It will take a life time of learning to figure out how to talk to people. Your words sound so great on paper but in reality, people ususally say what comes to mind. They are not thinking if I say it this way then the other will respond correctly.  We expect the other to just respond.  That is what they expect of us too. Expectations within reason. True?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

July 26, 2013 at 12:19 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

One of the reason's people say the wrong thing at the wrong time is that their orientations is wrong. They are coming from their own inner hurts and pains rather then trying to be empathetic of the other person's hurts and pains. So, lets say a child falls down and gets hurt. The mother who is into herself only will say something like, 'I told you so, but you never listen. You deserve this.' They are repeating what may have been said to them as a child. But if the mother answers from an empathetic point of view she may say, 'Oh, that hurts, come here and let me comfort you.'

 

Do you come from the point of view that you are hurting me, or from the point of view, you are hurting. The first is from the past and hardly fits now in the present, the second is from the present and so can be molded to help the other person. Thus, you are more likely to say the right thing.

 

When people come from the past the present is the bad guy because it brings up the past that one has not dealt with and has not let it heal. If we are hurting and bloody all the time it is hard to be empathetic. The past stops us from healing and helping other because we perceive that others are stepping on the crap from the past. The child got hurt because they stepped in her past and reminded the mother of her own pain. This is what we call a learned Personality Disorder. Make any sense?

July 27, 2013 at 1:28 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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