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Forum Home > A-Z Psychology > Stealing and Selfishness

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Stealing and selfishness go hand in hand. People who do it are totally self absorbed. They don't take into consideration the feelings of other people. They just act. It is a violation! I have had my car broken into so many times I can't count. Even last night, someone broke into my car and stole several things,,,including of all things a tweety bird key chain with my travel log attach to it.I didn't even notice that my electronics were gone because I was focused on finding my travel log. I cleaned out the front seat of my car, tore apart the back trying to find my key chain. I sat down in the passenger seat perplexed when it hit me: I don't have any wires anywhere by golly someone had swiped everything and my key chain. You may think at this point why be obsessed over a key chain...because on that key chain was the only gas key to the vehicle. It is a special key that can not be duplicated. O brother! Not only will I have to replace slowly the items that they took I will have to go to a lock smith to replace the lock cylinder. It is complicated. Dr Ruth, what do your little widgets think?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

April 17, 2013 at 11:07 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Some people have no empathy, the love widget is weak, and tey do not see the bigger picture, the thinking widget is weak. They may have had little moral training as kids, or they are on drugs and so have little left of their former selves, they may be living in their lower natures so the widgets that are strong are lies, greed, fantasy, and aggression. Crime indicates a weak or failing brain, all crime over place and time looks alike because it is the dysfunction of a brain that is not working well in the upper nature, esp. love and useful beliefs. Crime does not build cities and help people or it is not crime. 

April 19, 2013 at 10:17 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Look at the crime of mass destruction: The bombing of the trade center, the school shootings, the bombing at the Boston Marathon. What goes through the mind of these people? It seems that when we were growing up in the 50's, 60's and 70's you never heard of someone going into the schools and shooting up students or doing these haneous acts. How are we as a people supposed to dissect these things?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

April 23, 2013 at 12:53 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Growing up our media was not as aware and our parents kept a lot from us, but the schools and public shootings have been happening the entire age of our country. I am sure before that but may not have been recorded. About 10% (one in ten) of people have always had large problems, !% (one in a hundred) have commuted bad crimes, one in a thousand even worse crimes, one in ten thousand even worse, etc. etc. Think of a pile of sand, each piece of sand is a person. Most are in the middle of the pile, not many are on the edge, even less as you get further away from the pile, or from the crowd of ordinary people. It is a natural statistic. Also the more people there are the more crime there will be. What has changed is we are more aware of it around the world because of mass media. If anything there is less killing now then in the last thousand years or so because of standing armies and police.

 

What goes through the criminals mind is lies, greed, odd beliefs, and addictions. The failing mind is not very profound, it is ran by the survival mode, that small primitive part of the brain that animals also have to hunt and eat other species and to escape being hunted and eaten. To kill others something has to be missing, the altruistic overview of the real survival of the fittest, the social and loving person who helps the group survive.

 

How do we dissect these things? Through study of biology, history, and keeping ourselves healthy and loving. Your dog does not eat you in your sleep because he/she does love you, you are part of his/her pack. Why do your dogs chase strange cats and not your cat? You got it, the cat is also part of his pack. Love makes us part of one pack, lack of love, well, its all in the hunt. Make any sense?

April 23, 2013 at 9:11 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

Sure. It does stink though when crime touches you or the ones you love. It seems that people now a days seem to be lacking the compassion/ love gene. I just wish that we could change the evil in the world but it seems to be out of our control. Like my car. it is just a statistic. One in a million that  got broken into. When something like this happens, how  should you deal with it emotionally? I seem to go through different stages. 

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

April 26, 2013 at 12:25 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

But you can change the world. First, you can decrease the break ins in your car, if a car has no goodies in it, no stuff, just a plain empty car that is not in high demand and perhaps a barking dog within. We can reduce crime by half overnight if all would quit using drugs, even some legal drugs, and alcohol. Even occasional use fuels the dealers to supply and makes a person chemically crazy enough to commit mass killings. Then their is education, an educated populous tends to be less violent. If we all are helping kids entertain themselves legally they are much much less likely to turn to crime for adrenaline highs. I guess you could say we all can trim crime back and help love grow. Genetically, people are loving if the environment is conducive to it. It is the natural way.

April 26, 2013 at 11:58 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

What I have learned and am still learning the only thing I can control is myself. I cannot control what other people do. I cannot prevent a theif from breaking in However youare right I can be more proactive with hiding stuff...but who is to say they won't find the stash?

You did not answer my question. I asked you how to deal with this emotionally...and about the different stages of emotions.

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

April 27, 2013 at 10:38 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

To quickly emotionally handle a break in to your car and not just wait longer for time to heal it, you have to feel there is predictability to break ins and know your odds. Driving is very dangerous but we feel safe because we feel we are in control and we know the odds of dying are still slim, but more likely then dying from a robber in your home. The robber we usually can not predict and so we are fearful. I knew a gal who was robbed in the night with a knife to her throat every few months. I asked if she was scared and she said no because she was never raped or hurt, just robbed. She felt the situation was controlled.

 

 

She did not want to move for fear the thieves in another area would be more violent. Statistics tell us which cars are more likely to be stollen, and even which contents are being looked for. So if we have a highly wanted car with goodies in it we should expect more break ins.

 

The secret is to feel safe and in control again. So you have to think about the area you are in, what kind of illegal activity goes on, etc. A person in a bad neighborhood is safer there then in a better neighborhood he does not know. Once you again feel humans are mostly decent and predictable you will relax. If you are having panic attacks because of the theft then you have to let them slowly die down and go away. So you have to realize your anger or fear reactions are a bit hyper and not to dwell on them and not to let them grow. Is this of any help? What would you like me to address specifically?


People come up with stages of fear or grief etc. but I am not so sure there are stages. Things and emotions are softened over time. So as we feel more secure we see things differently. That will happen without looking for stages. Take note of how things change for you and let us know.

April 29, 2013 at 11:28 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

"

No what you say makes sence. All we can do is lock the door and hope for the best when it comes to our cars or our house. We can only have a detachment from things.

I was reading a Jewish commentary on the eighth commandment it states that " Property represents the fruit of industry and intelligence. Any agression on the property of our neighbor is, therefore, an assult on his human personality. This commandment also has a wider application and forbids every acquisition of property by cheating, embezzeling or forgery. It also includes base and disgraceful transactions..." Interesting note.

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

May 1, 2013 at 1:54 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

That is interesting. When we identify with our stuff and someone takes our stuff we feel like part of us was stolen. So lock it up or kiss it good by? Usually the most emotional stuff is stuff others do not want, like memorable stuff, pictures of our kids when they were little. Hummm

May 2, 2013 at 8:55 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

What is the best way to talk to children about the values of not stealing or using things without permission? How do you talk to them about boundaries?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

June 3, 2013 at 10:24 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Lets look at the stages of the brain, (1)perception, (2)emotions, (3)beliefs, and (4)actions. Then look at the (5)Upper and Lower Natures.

(1)To get t he best results of convincing children not to lie, cheat, steal, or break boundaries they need to be able to perceive what is right and wrong. That can vary from culture to culture.

(2)Then they need a little fear, fear of consequences or better yet fear they may hurt another by wrong behavior. That means they need to have empathy. If a child loves you and does not want to hurt you they will comply much better. If they LOVE you dearly because you are honest and loving they will comply much much better.

(3)They also need a concept of how things do hurt others and have a belief system, honor system, religion, or scouting system that teaches the value of truthfulness and personal boundaries.

(4) You need to watch them closely until they are in right habits of telling the truth, not stealing, or respectful behaviors.

(5) They must be operating in their Upper Natures. That is feel safe and not defensive. This means others need to be kind and gentle and not abusing them. Abused people operate from their lower natures and find it easier to lie, be selfish, believe in crime, and take things.

 

If you follow these five steps when raising children you should have good success in socializing children. If they still turn out doing what's wrong you need to look at different factors such as ADHD, Manic Depressive, brain injury, seizures, or other neurological disorders.

June 3, 2013 at 7:06 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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