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A Joyful Messenger
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Posts: 296


Yes, you are touching on something that makes sense. Some of the examples relating to dancing seem more as if you are dancing vs. metaphorically speaking. Literally speaking, which can be taken metaphorically, the era of dancing I grew up in was more loosely of a type. A couple dancing did not necessarily use a rigid set of steps or movement in their interactions. Rather, we would stand with space in between ourselves moving in whichever way the music would make you feel. You do not move in a synchronizing pattern; which can be anticipated or expected.

Learning to dance in this matter clearly reflects the mentality of the age I grew up in. There is a distance that is maintained during this type of dancing. This distance makes the touchy, feely part of the interaction virtually void. When we apply this metaphoric attitude to the relationships we have, it reflects an already existing accepted behavior. This is to keep a certain distance from your partner.

When I am engaged in a bitter sort of situation with the members of my family it naturally causes me to keep a certain distance. It sometimes seems like there are two different songs being played and the music clashes. All one can really do is wait until the song is done being sung. These are very intense moments and I may begin to hear a different tune inside me. I feel I cannot stop the song being played to interject the new tune.

I now have two tunes going through me and am unable to express it at that moment.  I feel better because I can feel two ways in the situation. I must put aside the bitter turmoil and know that I can see a potential cure to the moment.

How do I hear the other persons song and be able to recognize and interact with it correctly and be in better tune?

 

 





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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

September 24, 2012 at 1:01 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Good example and right on. In order to hear the other person's tune you have to focus on it. You have to dance their dance in your mind. If you were in their dance shoes you can begin to predict them better and predict what they will do as you dance next to them and take their space. In the back ground you are monitoring your own tune and the dance steps you are doing so that you do not step on their toes. 

 

What you look for is how they perceive their world. By listening and at times asking questions that clarify your thoughts you will begin to put yourself in their perspective. Then you look at their past, by memory or by asking questions that will give you an overview of the conflicts and joys of their past. Again put yourself in those scenarios to see how you would feel, esp. if you had their perceptions and feelings. Next go to their beliefs and look for thoughts and ideas they have that will conflict with their perceptions and feelings and those that give them peace and joy. Then you stop and think how you would change those thoughts to help them feel better without causing more conflict for them. Then look at their talents and abilities to look at what possible actions they or the two of you can do together to help them see, feel, and think better about the environment and their possibilities to dance up a pleasurable storm. 

 

Again look at your own perceptions, feeling, thoughts, and actions and try and think what moves and changes you can make to help them feel better without going against your own ethics and journey through life. Then you can begin to dance together and enjoy and grow together. If you step on their toe do not get angry at them for their pain. Most of the time the pain will go away and a little apology or acknowledgement will do. If the pain persists you have to rethink things longer. Now, this dance can be a lifetime dance, all understanding and solutions do not come within the next few minutes. The more we practice the better we get at it, but we are never perfect.

September 25, 2012 at 9:26 AM Flag Quote & Reply

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Why are some people altruistic and others selfish? Why are some kids more altruistic and others not? Is there a difference between the sexes on being altruistic or selfish? I know bad experiences can make people more selfish but for some people it does the opposite. Why? How can we make people more altruistic and less selfish? How can we change society in general to be more altruistic?

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September 26, 2012 at 12:15 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

Sorry for such a lengthy answer but, wow, that is a lot of questions. They are all related and can be answered by understanding four concets. My web site and blogs are all about how to answer these questions. So the SUMMERY OF PSYCHOTOONS:

But the FIRST central concept you need to have to answer all is that we humans have an UPPER NATURE & a LOWER NATURE. Both Natures have a four step process. Step (1) is PERCEPTION, how we see the world and people vary, some are detailed and other can even be blind or deaf. Step (2) is we then react with EMOTIONS, fear or desire for what we see, danger or gain. Step (3) is we think about it and plan what to do according to intensity of fear or desire and our BELIEFS or maps of the world and ideas. Step (4) is our ACTIONS to carry out our plans according to our talents, abilities, habits, or skills. The Lower Nature takes these four steps and changes them to Deception to self or others, Greed, Irrational justifications, and aggression.

 

The SECOND central concept you need to have is that these four STEPS VARY in people for four basic reasons. The first is Biology, we are all born with a different strength or lack of in the four basic steps of processing I listed in the paragraph above. The second is Our Past Experiences. Our experiences can change the strength and weaknesses of these steps, but our biology determines to what degree. The third is our Beliefs change how we perceive, interpret experiences, or accept or reject new experiences. Our biology can limit or help that process, so can our experiences, and our current beliefs can help or interfere with the acquisition of the beliefs. Finally our Actions from skills, talents, and habits can help or interfere, and again it may depend on biology, experiences, beliefs, and our practice of or freewill to follow through.

 

The THIRD Concept is FREEWILL. Freewill is an interesting concept. It really depends on the help or interference of the four steps and the amount of control we have over them. It seems we are talking in circles but not really. It is the combination of strength and weaknesses. Now the kicker of all this is our consciousness. We can choose to strengthen or ignore the different stages. That is our freewill. But our freewill is effected by the four steps, biology, past, beliefs, and action possibilities created by or limited by skills, talents, or abilities, which are affect by the four stages and four variables listed above that affect them.

 

I call our Upper Nature ME, our Lower Nature and body instincts (biology) MYSELF, and Consciousness 'I'. Then there is the current situation that affects our responses. So that is four again, Me, Myself, & I, and the current Situation. So the FOURTH concept is SITUATION or SITUATION. Don't feel confused by these three sets of four, really four sets of four. They are all related or the same as the four steps I first listed. Biology (perceptions), the Past (fears and desires), Beliefs, and Experiences (past and present). The interaction and strength and weaknesses of these can answer the other questions. I think I have said enough for now. I will let you choose which of the other questions you want me to answer first and I will do so with these basic concepts.


September 27, 2012 at 12:41 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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Let's start with 'Is there a difference between the sexes in being altruistic or selfish?'

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September 28, 2012 at 2:42 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

Yes, there are differences. Lets start with BIOLOGY:

Little boys in general seem to be more mischievous, suggesting they are a bit more biologically connected to the Lower Nature, then females, especially aggressive behaviors even if in only play. They love to draw violent scenes. This may be due to testosterone. Also they have bigger muscles and seem to enjoy using them leading to more physical aggression.

Little girls seem to draw a lot of hearts and say they love others a lot. This suggests they have a stronger connection to Love, step two in the Upper Nature. The consensus is that they also show more fear, perhaps because they tend to react less aggressively to fear. Little boys may have as much fear as little girls but displayed in aggressive and courageous behaviors.

PAST and FAMILY:

We tend to respond to little girls with more loving behaviors, talk to them more, and expect more correct behavior from them, especially public school. This can be a result of them responding better to such behavior because of biological reasons.

People tend to react to little boys with more aggression, especially from men. Also boys tend to be neglected more and given more freedom in which they can act out.

BELIEFS: We tend to believe and expect and tell little girls why they should be better behaved. They are expected to be more altruistic and less selfish.

Little boys are expected and given belief systems that give them permission to be more selfish and less altruistic UNLESS it is a crises and then we expect them to be altruistic. They tend to be so in emergencies.

HABITS and SITUATIONS: Little girls are trained to be more disciplined and expected to work in the interest of others. Little boys are often allowed to be more selfish unless its a crises.

 

Males tend to have a hierarchy of who is toughest, king of the mountain. It is seen in kindergarden and well developed by fourth grade. It is so consistent that I adventure to say it Biologically based, socially encouraged, taught in movies and from other males, and therefor males have a habit of being dominant in most situations. When they try to be dominant in the home lots of problems can arise.


October 1, 2012 at 1:12 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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Ok, that is interesting. I can see that, so now, tell me why some people with a bad experience can come out more loving and others come out meaner then hell.

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October 2, 2012 at 10:44 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

ALTRISM 


Lets look at this question logically by the steps of the brain. Step one suggests that altruistic people see things differently. Biologically this may be that the person's Bee is very strong. Ant sees details and Bee sees the bigger picture. This can also be from the interaction of the other three steps. So altruism can be inherited and learned over time. 

 

The second step suggests that an altruistic person is not afraid to be so. Nothing is stopping them from being so. Biologically this would suggest they may not have overpowering anxiety from birth, but may have anyway. The second step also suggests they have a LOT of LOVE or empathy, mirror cells that make us mimic other's reactions so we feel their pain and want to end the pain for both of us. Perhaps the more fear the more empathy we need to over come the fear of helping.

 

Step three suggest altruistic people are open minded enough in their beliefs, either from birth or from learning empathetic and altruistic beliefs. They do have to recognize the need for the altruism, so it also suggests that in step one Bee is strong by birth or by learning.

 

Step four suggests altruistic people may be patient enough to take notice of the need to be altruistic and energetic enough to follow through, perhaps energetic enough to be optimistic that the act of altruism will work, suggesting beliefs are involve.

 

To put this together we could say a person who has a strong Bee, Strong Love, Altruistic Beliefs, and Positive and strong in Action may better be able to remain altruistic even after a bad childhood then someone who was only detailed oriented, anxious and un-empathetic, uncaring beliefs, and inactive in the area needed to be altruistic, no good habits, and had a bad childhood. The first person is more likely to stay in the Upper Nature from abuse and the latter may be more likely to slip into their Lower Natures.

 

But remember, Men, even though they tend to be more into their lower natures, less empathetic, and believe they should not be a caring sissy, in a crises will become warriors and fight for altruistic ideas if they have the belief system that tell them to and the energy. So we have to look at each person to see their makeup and capabilities under DIFFERENT situations. DOES this help?

 


October 3, 2012 at 11:47 AM Flag Quote & Reply

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Ok, that makes sense, so how do we teach others to be altruistic?

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October 4, 2012 at 12:18 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
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Posts: 567

 

We teach others to be altruistic in the same manner as we teach ourselves. Raising happy successful children is maturing them by teaching them to rely on their Upper Natures and only to use their Lower Natures if needed for extreme cases of abuse and survival. The Upper Nature is altruistic, it is a biological instinct we have from our need for herds, flocks, prides, and schools of life forms. There is not only safety in numbers, but how is a sole individual going to have offspring, and you want a good choice of partners to pick from to complete the task with best success. Also in large numbers there is more chance of mixing the genetics to get the variety of individuals needed for the limitless and unpredictable situations that may come up. In other words, survival of the group is more important then survival of any individual. Thus altruism had to be an instinct in those species that survived.

 

Animals learn to be in their Upper Nature and at their best by their immediate attentive parent, usually the mother. Without her/his love and caring they will not learn to be very sociable, some more then others, but raised in a box alone even animals turn out not very bright and not fit for survival. Learning had to be part of the equation of survival to help the organism adjust to the environment that continually changes with day and night, seasons, floods, droughts, and things like global warming or freezing. Thus, intelligence is defined by the ability to adjust. So we must teach ourselves and others to be more intelligent, more flexible, and more altruistic and sociable.

 

To do this is not a simple task. Animal parents pass the knowledge to their offspring. The larger the brains the longer it takes to do this as more knowledge is needed because the brains allows for more variant situations, more interactions, more inventions and technology. All my blogs and web sites are designed to try and help answer this question of how to become more altruistic, or successful. But I will try and outline the answers here for you. I will start Monday with step one. I do not want to make my answers too long. Is there any particular question about step one you might want to ask?


October 5, 2012 at 10:14 AM Flag Quote & Reply

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Step one seems so simple, one just observes, listens, touches, smells, and tastes. How simple can that be? Is it the easiest and quickest of the steps? Anyone can do it. Whats the big deal about step one? Well, maybe children do not see what adults see, but once we are grown it should not be that big of a deal. Yah, we learn to see things from a cultural perspective but even that we become aware of as we mature. So my question I want to ask is what is the big deal about step one, how does it contribute to altruism? 

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October 8, 2012 at 11:01 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
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Posts: 296

Hi Dr Ruth. I have spent the past few weeks in nature. We live in a beautiful world. There is beauty in the ocean, in the trees of the forest, in the animals and even in the dead trees. I think that we as a people forget to look at the beauty in things and the beauty in people.

You are using a word that I am unfamiliar with. What is Altrusism?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

October 8, 2012 at 2:51 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

Welcome back Joyful Messenger. Your question fits right in to my discussion with Realsisters2, which is observation and how to improve it to be more altruistic. Altruism is when a animal or person gives up something, even their life, so another may live. And observation can help us do that.

 

Trees die and saplings grow right from their decaying trunks. Life springs forth from past life. A tree is not altruistic because it does not make a choice to harm itself for another. But the principle is the same. Life springs from other life even if decaying.

 

Nature has a rhythm, the ocean waves, the wind seen in the clouds, the leaves of trees moving in the wind, you name it, it has a rhythm and that rhythm is the alpha wave in our brain that relaxes us as we observe nature, it creates the waves, the wave is the healthy rhythm of life.

 

But we humans have forgotten how to observe. Zen Buddhism teaches us how to stop and allow the senses to begin to let in the wonders of nature. Science teaches us how to see the deep patterns of nature and be able to predict what will happen if we do this or that. Without such processing we may destroy nature or ourselves, or relationships.

 

The steps in scientific observation is to look at nature, others, or groups of others, and see what is the same, what is different and what situations do they change, what are all the factors that can change what we are seeing and how do they change it. If we take notes, helps the memory be more accurate, we will begin to see the patterns we did not see before. Therefor we will see more accurately.

 

Altruism is one of those factors that can really change things. In Aesop's fables the Lyon gives up his snack, the mouse, and lets it live. Down the road a ways the mouse saves the lyon's life by nibbling away the ropes that have trapped him. The pattern is even little friends can help and you never know when. Christ died for the sins of all. The pattern is when you give your life for others it changes them for the good of all. Why? Because we are herd animals with altruistic tendencies and the sacrifice by another turns on our own altruistic tendencies and the GROUP, the herd, is saved by it. We begin to look out for each other rather then be greedy and we can network better to create civilizations, technology, science, etc. and it only gets better and better. From the past the future can spring forth with life if we choose to let it.




October 9, 2012 at 12:02 PM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
Member
Posts: 296

I think the rhythm of our American lifesyle is too complicated. We live in a concrete and asphalt world.  We live in a world where we herd all children in the neighborhood together in a concrete building and expect them to learn to observe. Parents are too busy and too tired to teach the children to observe. The bully at school is allowed to be a bully. He is not taught by the teacher or others to be loving or alturistic. And if he is caught being a bully, he may or maynot be punished. We are so caught up in our daily lives that we forget to observe nature or people ourselves. People really are focused on self. Part if step one: How does one become "Other" focused?

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

October 10, 2012 at 12:11 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

I think you are right. We are so busy with jobs, shopping, electronics, and repairing our gadgets that we don't take the time to relax and let nature cure us. The parents may not know how to observe and so they can not teach their children. We follow the steps of the brain and help our brains observe others better and become people oriented.

Step One, Perception: Zen Buddhism can teach us a lot about relaxing, letting contrived things go from the mind, and then allowing what is out there to make an impression on our brains. What is out there in nature is in the same alpha pattern that is so healthy for us and for our brains, the alpha wave is natures wave of contentment because we are from nature. From Zen we will see others as part of nature, even with their gadgets, and enjoy them more.

 

Step Two, Emotions: We can begin to focus on them because we are having fun looking for patterns and not reacting with negative emotions and defensiveness. And of course, to be people oriented, we need to appreciate and love others. The Bible helps us do that. The Koran helps us to be humble, yes, it does. Moslems are some of the most humble people you will ever meet. Religions are geared to help the heart. Militant fanatics can find logical reasonsl to kill from children's stories, or cartoons.

 

Step Three, Beliefs: The other part of observation is to actively see all the patterns of nature and of others in a systematic or scientific way. When we decide to view nature and other people in a scientific way and follow through we are able to be more objective and not react in a negative way. Then people become more logical and predictable to us.

 

Step Four, Actions: If we learn to listen and begin to help others wisdom will follow, especially if we are doing the steps above. We can learn active listening. You will notice that all four steps take some action: Learn Zen observation, learn to love, learn scientific thinking, and help others in what they need help with as long as it follows the steps above. There is no easy path to wisdom, we have to grow up and learn to look, feel, think, and act in wisdom. Any fool can quickly burn down a building, but it takes time to build it.

My web site and blogs address all these issues. Do you have some clarification questions?


October 11, 2012 at 10:16 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
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Posts: 296

It is so easy to write all this stuff down on paper, but it is far more difficult to put it to use in our relationships with others. It takes a lifetime of learning and doing to become better people.It takes faith in God to move mountians. Your right the Bible is one of the best books around. It tells you how to live happy and healthy. It is a book that everytime you open it it becomes alive and you find something new everytime you read it.  I am not into Zen Buddism. You say that Zen Buddism will help you observe what are you referring to? Please explain some of their concepts. It sounds interesting.

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

October 12, 2012 at 2:21 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
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Posts: 567

By emptying your mind of the clutter of thoughts, desires, pressures, stresses, and emotions, the brain is able to do what it does best, perceive the world as it is in all its glory. You may have done so when you walked through the Redwood Forest as you were far from all the social cues and time clocks that clutter your mind. Zen teaches you to do that in the middle of the thick and thin of society by sweeping away the importance of anything cluttering your mind at the moment. Then you can see society as being as beautiful as the Redwood Forest. And you will automatically see more patterns, and know better what to do to help others and not see them as noise but as beautiful people that need your help.

October 15, 2012 at 4:19 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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If Zen is good for perception, which is your first step for the brain, what other philosophies or religions are good for the other three steps? In other words, if Zen is good for perception what group of wisdom is good for emotions, thoughts, and actions?

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October 18, 2012 at 1:53 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
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Posts: 567

 

Step one is how we perceive our world. Zen is good for perception by helping us eliminate some of our bias but I think we need more then that. The mind can play tricks on us and see what it wants rather then what is out there, putting things together in a biased way when it does not investigate further into our ability to perceive, and not see everything we need to see. Science can go a step further and help us see more, it looks at and takes note of a lot of facts, organizing them, categorizing, looking for what the facts have in common or how they differ under different situations, and teasing out patterns and even laws of nature.

 

Religion is very good for step two. It helps us not be too afraid to love and accept each other so that we can better get along and help each other see more, perceive more. Again, I think science, social sciences or social biology, can again help us see patterns we would not otherwise see. But still, science is not yet enough. When science can not define and guide us we need a creed, a common sense guide to life. Religions take the place and give us direction. But to praise science, we need to categorize religions, see the patterns, and be a bit objective about the religions. Not all religions are alike nor do they fit all situations at all times.

 

This is where step three, thinking, philosophizing, looking at the past, present, and future is so important. This is where science shines out the best. It helps us put step one and two into a better perspective. It is an on going process, never ending, never saying we have all the answers and so do not need to look further into it. It challenges us to look further.

 

Actions should come from considering all the above. To leap before looking can be disastrous. Since steps one, two, and three are not perfect, actions can not be either. So it is important that we look at things from all four steps, and how each step helps or hinders the other steps, until we come up with what seems the best action to take. As we take that step forward we need to analyze if it was the right step, how we can modify or change it according to the results we got. It is a never ending process. Is this what you were looking for, did I answer or at least begin to answer your question?


October 19, 2012 at 10:18 AM Flag Quote & Reply

A Joyful Messenger
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Posts: 296

I have been so busy with starting a new business adventure that I  have not taken the time to be on the internet. Sorry about my inaction that may cause a reaction. Hope it doesn't cause bitterness.

The internet to me is an artificial world. It is wrapped up in unseen emotions. How you or I precieve these interactions vary. I can't see you and you can't see me. We can read what we write but it is as though we were blind. I can't see your phsysical reaction or feel your true emotion. Our perceptions others is a pattern. Our Emotions seem to be pattern. How do we look for and change our patterns? 

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**JOYFUL MESSENGER

October 19, 2012 at 4:31 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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