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This was interesting but a bit hard to understand. Could you give examples of situations being a person with human personality. How does a situation spoil a person? Do you mean addictions? My friends tend to be on their computers or their phones so much that they are kind of spoilt in that they are self indulged. I still would like to know how to handle a spoilt child or adult. Could you give more examples. I was at a store the other day and a kid was screaming and kicking to seemingly get their mother to buy something. What could the poor woman do. If it was my kid I would want to spank the child, but I would be afraid someone might call child protective services. What is a parent to do? I can see why kids today are more spoilt. Do you think they are or do you think it is just more talked about. It is hard to tell if the world is worse then it use to be or if it is just the nosey news. Maybe kids are more aware of the system and use it to their advantage. What is a parent to do?

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July 4, 2015 at 7:41 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Situational Personalities

 

Think of the brain as a connecting hub to the entire nervous system and that thinking is done not just in the brain but in the entire body. We begin to realize that our verbal ability is only a slow response to our thinking and actions and not the originating source. Our body wants a jelly sandwich when it see’s it. Then we begin to be conscious of the desire and verbalize it. The next step is to see that this body brain reacts to others before we are aware of it. Our hand wants to grab the sandwich before the other person does. Next step is a riot. A bunch of people reacting with little brain interference.

 

On the other end of the spectrum a church service or concert full of people sway together in a joint emotion. A group of scientist work together to explore nature. A basket ball team reacts to the ball faster then the brain can sort out what they are up to. The audience cheers them on.

 

Each of these groups act out a personality, Lower Nature Riots, loving joyful singing, thoughtful problem solvers, impulsive competitive. These are simple examples. When we look at institutions to house these groups we get even more differences between the groups. So lets take a city that is composed of many of these groups. The news crews are our perception of our world be they truthful or deceitful, counselors or taverns our emotionality, schools & churches or astrology shops our beliefs about what to do, and cops and robbers our heroes and villains. If a city talks more about crime then churches, drinks too much, is chaotic rather then progressive, and has a lot of crime then it’s personality is different then the small country town that centers on farming gossip, church going, thoughtless, and hard working. Occupants of both cities respond or dance together like one body, rioting or working.

 

Spoilt Children

 

A spoilt child is a child who reacts from their Lower Nature to get their way, they basically learn that it is ok to do so. Someone in their environment has rewarded them for the wrong things. It does not have to be a parent, just someone who encourages their self centered actions. I have seen three year olds who can go wild because their uncles were in gangs and its fun to go wild with them. With others they may be better behaved. This three year old was by nature athletic and energetic. So he took to the wild side easier. Then other kids that live in criminal homes may follow their quiet respectful uncle or aunt because they have quiet natures also. Who the kid is biologically is an important factor for the situation. An energetic child may want to follow sports and a quiet child can be cold and calculating. So you have to look at the child and their environments to assess what is happening and what to do about it to change the cycle of seeing opportunity, adrenaline, blaming, action, and reward.

 

The situation or environment needs to be set up so reward has to be earned, and is not readily available everywhere. Stores are situations full of goodies and these spoilt kids are use to having what they want when they want it without consideration for others or earning the privilege. It’s as if the parent in a store has turned on them and no longer love them, as love is being spoilt. Discipline starts at home, good habits should be lived daily, Christmas and Birthdays should only come once a year.

 

The best thing a parent can do for an acting out child in a store is to leave with them. Go to a simpler environment the child can handle with respect. Slowly introduce them to more complex environments as they can handle them with respect. It is teaching a whole way of life and not a miracle trick to get them to behave. A child should not be able to do anything they can not easily master with safety and respect. I would start with small boring stores and when they can keep their hands off of things and stay near you they are not to advance to more complex stores. Eventually you will be able to take them to a toy store without worry. Most children benefit from giving them explanations why they can not touch or take.

 

Let them know it hurts others feelings and they would not want someone to mess up their special place like their favorite toy shelf. Empathy is a good guide to what is appropriate. If they have no empathy the rule book can get very long and complex. Always teach a child to stop and think about others and consequences.

 

The best tool to use when training children is to watch them like a hawk. The second they are doing something dangerous or disrespectful you intervene with a gentle redirection or ‘no’. It is always easier to train a child immediately then to explain things later when they have forgotten the situation or are so deep into the wrong action they don’t want to stop. The main reward they should get from you is your loving approval. Kids really do want to please. To control you with complying is empowering, to displease you with non compliance puts them at odds with you and they are not happy, so they try to get pleasure with self centered tyranny.

 

If kids today are more spoilt it may be because parents don’t feel they have the time to raise their children. Mothers are at work or trying to catch up with household chores. They may let electronic devices entertain their kids. Electronic devices do not watch and socialize kids as needed. They do not teach empathetic interactions, only allude to them in the best stories. Older children may use and lie to Child Protective Services but not if they were socialized when little and still unaware of such agencies and how to manipulate them.

 

It takes time and effort to spoil a child, to be at their beckoning call and shower them with rewards even if you are acting up. Why not take that time to socialize them and enjoy doing things with them. It is a two way process, I please and respect you if you do the same.

 

 

July 5, 2015 at 8:16 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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You alluded to different children acting up with different parent personalities. Are there combinations of personality differences between children and their parents that make it harder to raise a happy well adjusted child? Some children seem to be naturals at chaos, some children are more stubborn, some are just difficult. Then again some parents seem to just be bad parents, they are too hard or too soft to little or too often. Who are high risk parents or children?

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July 19, 2015 at 7:58 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

If a parent is a nerd, attention to detail and passive, and the child is overactive, attention not as acute as they are too active to stop and look or listen, then the parent may either ignore or chastise the child too much. The child may feel picked on or neglected, but an active child may seek love but rebel more. If we reverse that and the child is a nerd and the parent overactive, the child may again feel neglected or picked on but for different reasons as they may not be able to keep up with the parent. The nerdy child often does not feel loved and needs more love then they seek. If both the child and the parent are nerds they may both feel neglected and not seek each other enough. I they are both overactive, well, its going to be a hopping relationship and perhaps too intense. The secret to difference between parent and child is that the parent seek to balance the relationship by paying more attention to balancing all four steps of the brain, perception or attention, love and safety, intellectual conversations that adds purpose and passion to live, and doing activities together. Then the magic of parental child communication should thrive.

 

The golden rule in any relationship is being non judgmental of the each other. Our actions may be wrong but our intent is pure, even if it seems to lead to evil actions. In other words all people do what they think is right for the time and place and if they do what does not work for the good of self and others they are ignorant. We all would be healthy, wealthy, and wise if we knew how. A parent must learn this before they can teach their young ones.

 

Once we are non judgmental we can cut back on our survival mode or deception, selfishness, blaming others, and being aggressive. We can develop our attention skills, our love, our problem solving and understanding of others, and cultivate the patience and skills to get things done.

July 22, 2015 at 12:22 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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Ok, I am trying to be non judgmental. I must admit my husband loves it. But so do the kids. They are telling me more about the things they are doing that I may not approve of. But I have to still chastise what they are doing. This gets sticky. They are not sure how to handle situations, they are looking to me for answers. That puts me on the spot. I am not judging them but not knowing how to react. Let me give you an example. One child told me the others set him up to fuss and I get upset with him and they become the good guys. I have to referee them, but I can not keep track of who does what first. I am not saying my children are lying but, to be non judgmental, they have their own view of reality. So now what?

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July 29, 2015 at 12:49 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

If a child fusses something is wrong. You may not be able to see what precedes that. The kids could have an on going pattern of teasing each other that started years ago and does not take much to set off crying or protest. Just a certain glance at each other when you are looking the other way can start the dominoes of reactions. You are right that it is an unending puzzle that can not be solved, not even by the kids themselves. It makes one feel that they all should be punished. But that only adds fuel to the game of blaming.

 

Blaming is a Lower Nature response and you want to teach them Upper Nature responses. And to do this you do not want to use Lower Nature tactics such as aggression or adding more blaming to the blame game.

 

You want them to better perceive what is going on, to not fear each other but to have empathy, and then to problem solve, and follow through. So if you proceed in these four steps in that order the first thing you want to point out is the blaming game and the futility of it all. The next step is to have compassion on ALL of them, the hurt that the game perpetuates should turn to empathy for each other. Each child has hurt behind their blaming. Next will be planning what is a better solution and how to go about that.

 

But first you have to explore what the problem is. It can be boredom, or perceptions that you are favoring one more then the other. Ask them what drives them to play the blame game. The oldest may feel too much responsibility and that the younger ones get more love, which of course they need as they are younger. The younger may feel the older ones get more privilege, of course as they can handle it better. Or the middle child may feel he gets neither privileges nor love.

 

Listen to their explanations without comment until you hear the pattern several times that is occurring, until you see the hurt and needs that they feel are not being met. Then ask them how they think the problem could be solved. Listen to all their solutions and actions they want. The ability you have that they do not have is the ability to see the bigger picture, to be empathic to all of them, to combine their solutions with the wisdom of an adult, and to direct or change your own behaviors and routines to meet their needs so they can begin to better nurture each other. Its a process, and the outcome depends on all your and their unique personalities and strengths and weaknesses and your expertise and love for them all.

July 31, 2015 at 1:58 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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OK Dr. Ruth, If this is a forum on our Personal Journey explain yourself. What is this journey and what, when, where, how, and who does this sort of thing? What is the journey, when do we do it, where do we do it, how do we do it, and who all does it? I am calling you to task. You are too vague. By the way what are Personality Types?

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September 14, 2015 at 2:57 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Sorry to be vague and late, gads, I can’t believe I am that late. Takes some thinking. And I added some cartoons at psychotoons.org to try and answer your question. Hope you are still with me. I will continue to add more cartoons, but can take a lot of time to figure them out and then put them together. But lets begin. Here it goes:

 

The model of the journey is a journey through life and its parallel in the brain and how to improve the brain’s tools to be able to improve one’s life.

 

The brain has a feedback loop that runs over and over in our minds and changes as we experience more of the outside world and of the inner world we live in. The first stage is our perceptions, our senses. The next stage is our emotional reaction to the perceptions. We fear or get curious to what we perceive. We want to run away or approach. You can easily see these reactions in babies or animals. They approach a new object slowly and either jump back or smell some more.

 

The next stage is to explore the object more, maybe play with it as a cat does a mouse or a baby with toys, and decide what to do next. In humans this can be a methodical or habitual, religious, philosophical, or scientific analysis of the object or situation and our ability to handle it. The final stage is to do something, to use our tools and resources or to gain more skills and habits to deal with it. The older we or the animals get usually the better equipped they are to deal with it.

 

With each turn of the feedback loop we change, for the better or worse, each stage. We may begin to look for certain pleasant things, habitually change our reactions, change our thinking about it, and improve our actions. This process improves or deteriorates our freewill.

 

I use animals to depict each stage of this Upper Nature process. Ant and Bee, Macho scary can and the loving dog Cuddles, wise blue bird Geru, and Patient Turtle works with Energetic Rabbit for balanced energy. When there is eminent danger our brain falls into our primitive survival mode, I call it our Lower Nature. The four steps change in function. The first step is deceptive Spiedie, the second selfish Raccoon, the third is blaming Crow, and the fourth aggressive Coyote. They help us to lie, cheat, blame, and fight for survival.

 

If we take an average functioning person and say all their widgets, or above characters, are all the same size, but the Upper Nature ones are a bit bigger without danger, then we can say they are balanced. One really big one is not interfering with the function of the others. But in the real world all widgets are of varying sizes depending on Genetic, experiences, habits and skills. So the widgets are unbalanced. One person may see a lot, feel little, think negatively, and are aggressive. So they need to be rebalanced.

 

Lets add to the above Characters two more. Mr/Ms Do will be our consciousness and is the shape we take inside the brain. Our body proportions are dependent on the use of them. This makes our mouths, hands, and feet really big but our limbs small. Mr/Ms Do coordinates the Upper Nature widgets and so is usually bigger then them in a well balanced person. Dragon runs the Lower Nature and should be a bit smaller then Mr/Ms Do. We can call him an alter ego.

 

 

 

Our generic bodies I have pictured as a blue mannequin named Myself. All the character dwell in the head but walk around for cartoon purposes to help explain the journey. The journey is the struggles Myself has with balancing his widgets while going through life with other’s widgets. Other’s widgets can be individuals, or groups (group widgets), or states, even nations, such as politicians and their parties.

 

To best see what I am talking about you could check out some of my web sites. I am currently trying to create cartoons to illustrate The Journey for adults, I have done so for kids but that one is not available for viewing yet. The adult version is but is in progress. You can follow along if you wish. psychotics.org

September 22, 2015 at 5:18 PM Flag Quote & Reply

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