Psychotoons

To help adults and children understand psychology.

Forums

Post Reply
Forum Home > Personal (growth) Journey > Personal Journey

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

What do you mean by Personal Journey. I might want to do that but I am not sure how or what to do. Nor do I know if I am or not doing it. Anyway, explain what it is all about. How do I begin, how do I proceed, and how do I know if it is working or worked. I will leave it at this as I do not know enough to even ask questions with confidence that the questions are relevant. 

February 3, 2015 at 1:36 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Welcome back Realsisters. You have asked a question that is not quick and easy to answer. I will give you a brief overview answer so you perhaps can ask pertinent questions.

 

We have a Free Will but we are not abel to exercise it to our benefit unless it is strong enough to work toward our goals. Our Consciousness can not make wise choices unless if perceives the outside or inner psychic environment realistically, make good judgement of danger or potential love to avoid or seek, see an overview of the situation and society and the world, and be able to follow through with reactions that work for our goals. Consciousness is the vehicle to grow and balance all these stages of decision making to the best it can be for the genetic or physical strengths and limitations, emotions from present and past experiences, knowledge and beliefs, and skill and habits that we can mutter up. As all these steps are made stronger and balanced so one does not overshadow the others we have a stronger free will.

 

With a stronger free will we can better control biological instincts that may interfere with our goals, such as pleasure seeking, eating incorrectly, irrational lying, greed, over fantasizing, or aggression. We can better counter emotional disturbances from the past, better assess and stop counter-productive thoughts, and resist destructive habits.

 

You might start with telling me your goals so I can taylor my answers to you. Please include your largest most encompassing goal that you are most passionate about. Remember this is a public forum. if you want to ask anything really private feel free to email me at [email protected]

February 5, 2015 at 1:15 PM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

I been thinking about my goals, and what the all encompassing goal might be. I just come up with the usual creature comfort goals of better home, better job, better kids, better relationships. When I was a kid I wanted to be a teacher but lots of kids did. I don’t seem to have many of the things that weaken the will that you mentioned such as pleasure seeking unless its snacking on chocolate. I am not greedy or aggressive. And I don’t really think I have had bad childhood experiences.

--


February 11, 2015 at 11:26 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Don’t you just love kids, and when you were a kid. You wanted to be a teacher. Look at why. You loved one dearly, or you wanted to be a teacher to improve on the job so that you as a teacher could fulfill your or others childhood needs, the teacher a powerhouse symbol for you. Perhaps it was for all the above reasons. Subconsciously it probably was all the above to varying degrees. I didn’t include that you may have loved school. But again we could ask why did you love school. It could be for all the other three reasons of love, improvement, or empowerment, with the added reason of school was interesting.

 

The four suggestion cover the four steps of the brain: interest or perceptions, love, problem solving, and action. There are a million reason to do something, but we can categorize them in these four stages. These stages cover your goals: pleasure (senses), relationships (love), better kids (problem solving), and a better job (actions).

 

What is missing in your list of goals is a Conscious Free Will to guide and grow the other stages, although it is hinted at, such as relationships and good kids. Your consciousness needs a goal that goes beyond the smaller goals, a goal that when the other steps fail to help, you still have something to hang on to. Some call it spirituality, others a cause, still others call it a lifetime ambition. When our senses get dull or depressed, our loved ones are gone, there are no more immediate problems to solve, and our job or career has taken a bad turn or ended what will sustain us, define us, motivate us. Artists try to create the classic, saints want to save the world, scientists want to explain it all, and activists are willing to fight to the death. What is your unending, long enduring, passionate, to the soul of values and life long goal, aspiration, and motivator to go on even if as a martyr. People get divorced over it, kill for it, dye for it, and are guided by it.

 

I am not saying their actions are justified, but at this point what would it be for you? Mothers and most fathers and grandparents will always put their children’s lives as the driving force and that is functional when they are little and needing you. But once they are grown and doing well what underneath would drive you to strive on and not give up? What are you willing to fight for?

February 12, 2015 at 2:05 PM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

If I were free of all obligations and able to fight for a cause I think it would be helping all children, not just my own, learn to be the best they can be. I would teach them to love and not to fight, to help each other and not put each other down. I would teach them to love and to have fun. And to do that I would want to help their parents cherish them and enjoy every moment with them and not to abuse them. But how in the world can I do that? I am but one of over six or seven billion. And that is the problem with such huge goals. I feel helpless. I do not have enough money to feed us, how can I feed the world. I think we should start at home. So I teach my children and do no more.

--


February 17, 2015 at 5:06 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Your efforts are admirable. If all parents had your cause to improve their children the world would be a better place. Unfortunately they don’t. Some come from dysfunctional families or they have little knowledge on how to go about helping their children to be their best.

 

You can fulfill your ‘world view’ cause and take care of your children at the same time. You do that by expressing your views as you raise your children and try different techniques. You teach others and they learn and if they share you will learn also. You will learn better ways or ways not to do it. These views can also be expressed, even to the dysfunctional if you speak with love and respect and let them keep their dignity.

 

With todays technology and the great movement of people around the world some say we are six people away from telling the world. You tell someone, they pass it on, and by the sixth time or person, on the average, it has spread to thousands of people. If what you say is useful and understood by others you are changing the world.

 

You may want to think not only about how to improve on yourself and your children but how to pass that knowledge and experience to others. Defining and improving on what you know, so it can be passed on, not only will improve your larger cause but compliment your personal cause and motivate you to Improve on personal goals.

 

How do you want to improve your children?

February 21, 2015 at 12:35 PM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

I have been thinking a lot about your question. Its so hard to word it. I want that my children succeed as happy people and be a success at what ever endeavor they want. I want them to be good people and good citizens. That seems so broad, so vague, and so simple. I am not sure what to say. Every parents wants the best for their kids, to be healthy, wealthy, and wise. But what does that look like. I turn the question back on you. What does it look like? 

--


March 3, 2015 at 9:19 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Good point. Sorry, I should of said more about it. It is a hard question what makes some one feel happy and successful. The answer is different for everyone. In general, being their best to use their interests and talents brings happiness to people. To figure out what is natural or satisfying to any particular person it helps to understand who they are biologically from genetics or how the genetics were altered by illness or accident. Then we look at how they were raised, what kind of relationships they like or need. Beliefs alter how they react to things, so we need to look at their beliefs. And habits or addictions alter their behaviors. All these interact and make up who the person is. Looking at where they are, how could they change any of those four steps, biological, family or emotional, beliefs, and action to better be who they are, to better perceive the world or themselves, better relationships, better beliefs, and better actions that would give them the opportunity to better succeed at their endeavors, or change their goals to better utilize who they are. How can more awareness of their issues, more socialization, useful beliefs, or action be altered to better meet their potential to succeed at what they want to succeed at. How they can better change themselves to be more efficient.

 

If they know how to understand and change themselves for the better then they can better know how to understand and help others change for better networking and partnerships in business and other endeavors such as parenting or marriage. With better focus , happier emotions, functional ideas, or discipline they can then learn how to continue to grow and improve on their own, and then be able to do more things as research to better understand their field of endeavor or business cohorts they work with.

 

So pick someone you want to help. Who are they, what needs to change to help them be happier and more efficient. Then we can look at ways to do that. Once you get the idea of helping one child or person you can repeat the assessment and possibilities with other people.

March 7, 2015 at 5:29 PM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

My son, he is ten, and he has a wonder-lust aspect about him. I want him to see reality better but I don’t want him to get discouraged. I would like him to see what is important, that he does not live in a false world. His father is a bit too hard on him at times. He just doesn’t seem to comply to his fathers demands to clean his room. I am not complaining about his lack of effort, but more about him not seeing the importance of his father’s words, or commands, or wishes. They love each other, that is not the problem, and they respect each other. But my son just seems to be in a dream world. He gets along with others. He does well in school. He just doesn’t seem to notice much around him.

--


March 16, 2015 at 11:35 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

He seems pretty normal for ten. They are developing quickly into preteens and then into teens. But I also see your concern that he needs to notice more so he does not estrange himself from his father or others. You seem to be saying he is too much in a daydream world. You know him best so I will take you at your word.

 

We want to teach ourselves and our children how to observe the world and others accurately enough to accomplish more. I have seen adults who as children spent most their awaken hours watching television. Their view of the world was the limited fantasy of Hollywood. They had a hard time seeing who people really were or how the politics of life really worked. They may have watched TV because they had limited capacity to see life as it is, but I think it goes both ways and they get more and more dependent on other peoples stories rather then thinking about life for themselves. I had to teach them how to observe more correctly.

 

The nice thing about good observation is that we do not have to know anything. In fact it is better to not bring into our observation our prior biases of what to look for. Nurds tend to see the physical world the best, they make good technicians and scientists that classify the world for us. Romantics or paranoid people can let their passions see unreality, bookish people see their preconceived theories being played out, and action oriented people often see only opportunity, like a ADHD person they leap before they look.

 

Have your son step back and start to take note of everything around him. Let him make a list of everything, everything from the minute details on the ground to the details in the sky. Enjoy the sensations, smell, textures, colors, movements, objects, and caricature. This should be a fun game and you can play it with him.

 

The next step of the game is to try and name all the factors that can change what he sees. By that I mean, the wind changes the clouds, the sun changes the colors, the insects leave paths in the dust, a rainy day changes the color and aspect of everything. This is an on going game. He could take count of the changes through the week, through the season, the years. Let him tell you the wonders he sees. As a child ants fascinated me, they were my playmates. I observed their nests, their wars, and their scavenging. I would watch them up close clean themselves and straighten out their legs when injured. Biologists take count of the changes, how many times the birds leave their nests and return in the days, seasons, or years, Then they look for the patterns. Speculate what would happen if the factors changed. What if the wind blew harder, a tornado. I never forgot when we had a salmon feast and my mom instead of shooing away the bees had me watch the bees slice off sections of salmon and fly into the sun with their prices as the sun made the salmon glow. We could follow their path back to their nest.

 

Let him observe the behaviors of his own family, how they change each day, from morning to night. Like an anthropologist he could take note of this siblings and parents coming and goings or how they act at the dinner table. Let him look for and describe the patterns he sees. Make it fun and he will continue his new habits of observation at school. The dinner table is a great place and time to let him name some of his observations and for the rest of the family to share theirs.

 

The last step of observation is to take those observations and look for more universal patterns. It is how fairy tales are made. You can make up the stories of your family. This is where parents can really help out. Once there is an established pattern of the patterns, so to speak, it is time to test your new theories. What kind of games and fun can you do to throw a wrench into the works. Try and predict what would happen if you have Dad sit where the youngest usually sits at the dinner table and you put the little one at the head of the table and let him become the boss. Then do it with another. You may or may not want to tell the youngest your prediction before hand.

 

You will make great memories as he learns to observe better. If you are objective let him listen to adult conversations about others. If you are not objective and you relish gossip, let him know and observe your bias. Admit to it so he admits to his own. The main thing is to make this fun and sharable.

March 19, 2015 at 9:53 AM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

The observations has been fun and has worked very well. My son is seeing a lot more. We have been watching our dynamics too and one thing I have noticed is that my son shies away from our affections a lot. Granted that we are showing more affection because we are more aware of it. But it kind of hurts our feelings. We also noticed that he is mean to the cat at times. I am a bit worried about his lack of empathy. I feel we had been neglecting him too much and now he is so use to it he balks at our attempts to catch up. I remember you saying kids at 11 and 12 quit listening to their parents. Why? Is there hope to get him to accept our attentions?

--


April 5, 2015 at 1:42 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Glad to see the whole family has been observing and learning. When we observe we will always see problems. The sooner we rectify and correct them the easier it is. A lot of families have weekly meetings to share their observations and work out solutions together. In fact I suggest you do that with your children. Ask your ten year old why he refuses your love. He may have some anger, or just out of the habit. When he is mean to the cat you want to ask him to stop, cuddle the cat and state that the cat is hurt and have him nurture the cat with you. That way he feels your love as he shares it with the cat.

 

You could even ask your son how you can show him more affection in a way he would like to receive it, as long as it is not receiving material goods. If he is angry that he wanted something you would not give him, and it is a healthy passion of his or hobby, then negotiate how he could earn it. Make sure the method of earning is fairly easy for him to do and that it helps him be more bonded, like perhaps doing a chore but with him and making it fun.

 

Fear is the trigger or on and off switch to the survival mode. Many think love keeps us from our survival mode. But fear plays the bigger role, it is a blessing as it saves us from dangers, but a curse if it is greater then the danger, as we can get defensive. Once we are defensive our survival mode kicks in and we will lie, cheat, blame, and fight. So we always want to make sure our children are not afraid or exposed to many fearful things before they are old enough to handle them.

 

Love is our guide to getting alone with others, our empathy lets us know how others feel and we can then change our actions to help others feel better. Without empathy it is a guessing game. Our brains are not very keen with empathy until we are in our twenties, 25 or 26 is the age of full brain development. So children often need extra help in that department. You let them know how you feel and help them define how they feel. You can make a game of comparing your observations of others feelings with your son and explaining why others feel the way they do. Make it a fun game.

 

At 11 or 12 the hormones are getting very strong and children begin to look more and more to their peers and want to be more independent from their parents. The hormones are preparing them to go out into the world and start their own family. But our culture is way way to complex for a 11 or 12 year olds, even for most all teens. So they are fish out of water trying to go upstream and get frustrated feeling their parents and other adults are holding them back. By 16 to 18 their brains are starting to catch up with the body and their behaviors improve immensely. But still our culture is too complex. Some children are not ready to be on their own until after 25, some not until 30s. College or trade schools not only gives them more time to grow up but can give them a career they enjoy if they pick classes wisely.

 

Try the emotion games and as you do look for fears and empathy development so you know what needs to be worked on.

April 7, 2015 at 11:13 AM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

We have been working on empathy and giving more empathy to our son. He had a breakthrough. He sobbed one night hugging us tightly. When we asked him what was wrong he blurred out that he was happy. Then the little munchkin said that he was not able to ask us to be more observant of him and his needs. Didn’t know what to think of it but we made a pack to ask him what he needed and how he feels more often. We are taking up the suggestion to have family talks once a week. He really likes that. It gives him a chance to ask us to change or react better to him. It seems to give him that permission that is not there in daily routines. He gets to negotiate with us. Hopefully over time it will be easier for him to negotiate freely anytime. It almost seems like there is an unseen wall between us that only comes down in weekly meetings. It is not easy to talk about somethings with a child. They just don’t have the ideas and experiences we have. But its a beginning. At least we are talking. Any more suggestions?

--


April 21, 2015 at 11:29 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

 

It sounds like you have been doing a fine job. We have covered the first step of the brain, perception and how to better observe. The next step was the emotional reaction we have to what we perceive. You have done a good job and it sounds like your son is feeling more freedom, esp. in weekly sessions. Ideas, beliefs, and concepts are tools that we gain over time and make communicating them easier as we gain more ideas and ways of expressing them. The third step, thinking and planning, helps us communicate emotions verbally. So he will learn with time to better communicate how he feels. The final stage is acting on our beliefs.

 

The third step is the most complicated and the least developed at birth. We have a life time of learning. In our beliefs we need to pick up thinking tools that help us with each step. For instance the physical sciences help us with perception. There are hundreds of years of observation, categorizing, labeling, and seeing patterns while assigning laws to science. The social sciences help us with perceiving the patterns and laws of human behavior, such as psychology (emotion and individual) and sociology (group behavior such as politics, economics, history, etc.) And the fourth step of what to do is the science of health, mechanics, talents, music technique, etc. The third step is to assimilate all these sciences. You help your son by answering his questions on these subjects and the schools add to that information so he can better decide what actions can be taken to solve life’s problems.

 

In reality we all work off of unproven assumptions, even all sciences are based on assumptions that can not be proven. Physical science is based on the assumption that there are stable laws that nature follows and they try and define them such as gravity, motion, etc. These are taken on faith. Social sciences assume people have universal characteristics expressed in a range of dimensions, such as certain perceptions, emotions, concepts, and actions.

 

Philosophy is the science of thinking about what those basic assumption are or should be. We are not all scholars of all sciences so our assumption can be wild or very arbitrary and controlled by our irrational emotions tinted by past experiences. An abused child can grow up feeling everyone is abusive and after him. Religion puts philosophies in a language we can better understand without education and in spite of. The three large religions are Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam. We do not want to ignore or loose the wisdom in these religions. Zen Buddhism is great for helping us in the first stage of the brain, perception, how to clear our minds of clutter, noise, or preconceived perceptions to observe what is happening around us. The New Testament or the Gospel teaches us how to clear the emotions of past baggage and to more freely love others and serve them, how to forgive and have faith in each others potential. The Moslem religion is good at helping you organize daily life into healthy activities. I am talking of the main intent of these religions and not what fanatical extremist may say. There are also fanatical extremists in the social sciences and even physical sciences such as the magical aspects.

 

Spirituality is how you use these sciences and religions to abstract out the wisdom for life planning and action, how to better perceive, better emotional reactions, think about, and choose actions to take. This is the realm of your values. Values are the pivotal points of our thinking, the anchors that keep us from helplessly falling into the la la land of fantasy. Values separate the terrorists and militants who commit genocide from the rest of us who try and preserve life. Values are embedded in science, emotional experiences, religion and philosophy, and in our daily habits and routines, they are embedded in our cultures and subcultures. Don’t leave these lessons to others to teach your child, unless they better imbue what we value, as a healthy loving family or society or happy individual, better then we can. Others can scatter your child’s thought as the wind does to leaves. Your culture can be thousands of years old full of wisdom for countless situations that science can not give. Values reside in religions, folk lore, literature, music, and your own experiences and interpretations.

 

Give these lessons to your child. They are a starting point from which to develop their own version. A big mistake of parents is to neglect these lessons wanting their children to decide for themselves. They will decide for themselves no matter what, but give them something to think with before the gang down the street does it for you. Children can not decipher the wheat from the chaff without proper values.

 

Sorry to have such a long answer. I will let you decide where to go next.


April 24, 2015 at 2:35 PM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

We have been teaching our son and other children our own beliefs. it seems to be working well. We seem to be more on the same page. We are all observing more, and sharing feeling and thoughts more. The kids seem to like it when we make a game out of it. The one draw back is they seem to want to control more. They may not be acting out irrationally, or at least not without their own irrational thinking being expressed, but I think I should have the last word. I am the adult not them. I am the disciplinarian and must make the final decisions. What do you think about discipline? How do you think I should go about deciding how they should obey and respect us as parents? But I don’t want to discourage them. I want them to be a success in the world and not poor or disadvantaged. What is the formula for kids to become successful? I want them to be able to go far. I am not sure what success looks like, if its money or just happiness.

--


May 20, 2015 at 11:36 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

If you are respecting them, taking their needs and interests into consideration, they will observe the process and eventually reciprocate the style. But you have to tell them what you are doing or they will not realize or put it together in the way you wish. In the meantime parents have to set down rules that ensure the fairness to all the children for equal opportunity to grow and develop. It sounds easy enough but to implement is a very complex process because not all children and adults are alike with the same needs and interests. What works well with one child may not work at all with another. Parenting often involves guessing and assessing the results, trying to figure out what worked with a particular child and what didn’t and why and therefor inspire us to try something else. Children are harder to work with then adults because they are not very communicative or at least not in pin pinpointing what their needs are. They can not figure out what adults are about as they have not been adults and therefor their expectations and solutions are often impossible to implement even if you want to.

 

Childhood can seem like hell. Even going by the book and doing all the things we are told works and it seems to be working our adult children will tell us it was hell. The only assurance we have that we were on the right track is when they turn out as decent humans. So I will center on that, what helps our children to be decent. Basically love and discipline with love having the edge. Love has a biological guide built in and that is empathy. If we see our actions hurt our children we back off. Parenting is often trial and error. They will most often remember the error but will be molded by the correct or workable trials. They remember the error as it stands out. In the long run the final product will reflect which won out.

 

Discipline should not be so burdensome that they can not feel loved or hopeful about the future but feel helpless. We live in a society that is not and cannot be fair to all. All societies are a conglomeration of the people in them and those people are not picture perfect. If our simple relationships are a big struggle, and most are, how are we smart enough to create the perfect society for all. The powerful, famous, or rich got to that position by competing with others and probable did not play by the rules, and we all know by living on a playground in school that the rules change and favor the winners who got there by hook or crook.

 

The dilemma of all parents is how to raise loving honest children who will grow up knowing how to survive in a crooked world. We try to teach them how to go by loving rules and get enough education that they can compete without being a crook. We do that because we were raised the same way, because our parent’s parents were also. Honestly we do not know how to teach our honest and loving healthy and over all happy children to be successful by being crooks without violating our rules of conduct that made them decent human beings. It is an ongoing dilemma. We would have to be among the privileged group to know which rules to break and when. Breaking all rules will simply not work but put our children in jail. So we go for the complete honest. We try to give them a moral and ethical standard to better judge the ethical stand of bad rules. But again that will not make them rich. A good father will often teach their sons a formula for competitive male status but often do not impart such information to the women folk who are the anchors for relationships and parenting. Thus the discrepancy between male and female success in the market place beside males having more testosterone and time to compete. Minority males often do not get these lessons unless their fathers were taught. Boys of single moms also often are put at the same disadvantage. Immigrants are also in the same boat until the males learn the lessons. It is no accident that the rich often come from the same country or heritage or married into it.

 

I do not know those secrets of getting rich, which varies with every occupation. Its a science in its own right. Even if we do know the tricks to the trade it would not guarantee our children would or could follow them. Each child is different genetically. They have minds of their own and see the world differently from their parents. Our rush rush life style in this culture of competitive markets does not fit all. Our children may be depressive, learning disabled, or so talented in non successful pursuits such as art and music that they are not tuned into getting rich or even valuing it until they come up a dollar short. Getting rich is often luck of the moment and situations.

May 23, 2015 at 11:18 AM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

Hay Dr. Ruth, our friend has a child that is really really quiet, she rarely speaks but to her siblings and only what she wants. She is about seven. And another friend has a seven or eight year old daughter who is the opposite. The child tries to control everyone, is demanding, and has temper tantrums if she does not get her way. How would you handle these two kids? One seems like an angel and the other a devil. Why the heck are they so different according to your model of people and personality? God must have a sense of humor to make kids so different. Like it’s a joke or something.

--


June 12, 2015 at 12:53 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

All traits or characteristics in us humans vary in strength, so some of us are short, others tall, and the extremes are midget are giant. We have the average person and then most others are just a bit taller or shorter. This is true of IQ, or part of IQ, talents, moods, anger, anxiety, etc. The average personality is fairly balanced in most human traits. A few people are in the extreme range and so have extreme personalities.

 

So one child it sounds like has a lot of extreme characteristics that are nerdy. Nerds tend to have a high ability to notice details, a lower ability to feel what others feel, may not see the bigger picture of human interaction, and may not have a lot of energy, and so tend to have heavier bodies. Because of their lack of human understanding they may get a lot of complaints from others and have a bit of a negative view of others. This may lead to a more active lower nature and so they blame others for their human interaction difficulties. They usually have the ability to be patient and detailed enough to be good at technology. But may be seen as unsocial. They may be very quiet but once they feel very comfortable with you they may talk off your ears.

 

You have to appreciate them for what they are good at and extend out your love even if they do not ask for it. If they are mean you have to set boundaries and get them to promise to try and follow the rules. Rules are concrete details. Give them more time to comply. Give them lots of techno toys but limit their computer and screen time to a few hours a day so they can learn interactions. It can be hard for them to talk in depth as they do not interact as often. If they are very quiet and isolating themselves they can become quite naive. It is in conflict with others and discussing what is happening that teaches children about life. They may not be willing to share their thoughts with you.

 

The other, energetic child, may be the opposite, they may not be as good at observation of detail, may feel more love from their interactions with others and have more success at it. They may be people pleasers and cuddle more and obey better. They seem to be wiser about human interactions as they can see the logic of human emotions. Now lets say they have tons of energy so they are doers, maybe even jocks, so may be slender. They are often what we call people people, or leaders, or at times the gang members. Kids in gangs often need to be agile and social within their own group, the jivers. So they can be seen as angels or devils.

 

If the energetic child is acting up give them more love when they are not acting up, they usually ask for it by wanting to be close. Logic often works with them but not always. Usually you can get into long involved and deep conversations with them if you listen to what they say and comment on the emotional context. Active listening skills work well with them.

 

I have not talked about how situations change people. I have came more from just a genetics perspective. Environments can soften or exaggerate the genetic tendencies. But they do not necessarily create the personalities but soften or exaggerate their personality tendencies. If the nerdy child has anxiety, depressive moods, and perfectionism they may then be more oppositional or antisocial. The same genetic complexity may make the energetic child less sociable or more or less dramatic.

 

 

Talking about genetics, I have too cats. They are opposites, one is nerdy and is over twice the weight of the other, is about 16 pounds, and not very flexible. She also is a loner and does not like to interact with the pesky one. And they are the same breed. The energetic one is usually intertwined with some human or seeking human contact. She is agile, flexible, and at time quite the predator. She tries constantly to interact with the nerdy one and gets beaten up by the big one who is annoyed by her. They remind me of many a couple where the energetic spouse tries to interact with the TV or computer nerd and they annoy each other. The friendlier one feel neglected and the loner feels persecuted.

 

Nature may seem funny. But we humans as a group are a living organism that in order to survive we need all kinds of different people for different tasks. We need the loner nerds and the lovers for different tasks, such as the techies and the social workers. Nerds and lovers may have the same job but when it comes to their individual genius they can not do each other’s specialties. So love both kids with all your mite and even the adult versions. Let their annoying quirkiness run off your back like the rain and they will obey better as you let them keep their dignity.

June 15, 2015 at 6:14 PM Flag Quote & Reply

[email protected]
Member
Posts: 259

 Interesting but I think the precocious child is just right down spoilt. Are you saying kids that are very energetic are more likely to be obnoxious? It can't all be genetics. What do you consider a spoilt child. How do we know if its genetics or if they are just little tyrants because of situations? What kind of situations will make a child this bad. This kid is right down insulting. But then some adults act the same way. Situation or genetics, the chicken or the egg?

--


June 23, 2015 at 10:47 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Ruth Currah
Site Owner
Posts: 567

Which came first the chicken or the egg, the genetics or the situation. Genetic variations came first and respond differently to the same situations. At the same time different situations can make the same genetics act differently.

 

So we need to look at the personality of a situation. Yes, situations have personalities, or we could say they have factors that tend to increase or decrease our genetic and learned tendencies, that change the size of our widgets: Ant,Bee,Macho, Cuddles, Turtle, Rabbit, Spiedie, Raccoon, Coyotee, Mr.Do and Coyotee.

 

 

Also, another way to look at it is people’s genetic personalities create environments that tend to increase or decrease their own or others' genetic tendencies or widgets. Any situation is like another person, or a conglomeration and consensus of a group of people acting on their own personalities. Yes, a group of people also have a joint personality. So a spoilt kid will act differently for different people in different situations.

 

How do we simplify this to a more predictable pattern, since situations have to vary a bit from one person to another to make any particular person spoilt. Seems like a lot of variations  and situations, too many to melt out the pattern. Well, we can use my model of personality to make some inferences. We will look at a normal average personality that is well balanced.

 

 

In a well balanced person their perceptions, (Ant and Bee), are equal and of a satisfactory size, not too small or too large. Fear and Love, (Macho and Cuddles), also need to balance with each other and with perception. Again that is what leads to satisfaction for the average person under an average, or satisfactory, situation. Again, the same logic is used on beliefs and knowledge, (Geru), and the same for patience and energy, (Tuttle and Rabbit). This is our Upper Nature, the nature that is more sociable and altruistic.

 

Now lets look at our Lower Nature, our survival mode: Deceptive perception, (Spiedie), and selfish emotions, (Raccoon), and blaming logic, (Crow), and aggressive behavior, (Coyote). All of these can be satisfactory or not so good for the situation. In church you want them to be weak, but if you are running for danger they need to be huge.

 

 

The Lower Nature is designed to cut through or ignore the Upper Nature in time of danger. The problem is how we define danger, as a catalytic or traumatic incident or if someone may get the last Oreo Cookie before you do. How you define danger depends on the strength and weakness of all the widgets Upper or Lower and in what configuration. Cookies ,or competing for the last one, may activate fear of losing, losing the competition or losing the cookie.

 

Basically a normal personality will consciously hold back the Lower Nature when finding something valuable, such as a cookie, to share or find the original owner. But if genetics, an accident, or a situation lowers the widgets and consciousness, (Mr.Do.) love, (Cuddles), reason, (Geru), and patience, (Turtle), then the Lower Nation takes over to grab the cookie and run using the help of fear (Macho) and energy, (Rabbit).

 

A spoilt personality is one that is not socialized, or has permission from a caretaker or others to be a tyrant and try to take control. If being a tyrant works they will escalate and get worse. Really, it is quit simple. Their Lower Nature widgets will grow, much like a wild animal. They will see life in a distorted way, become more and more selfish, blame others and not not take responsibility for their aggressive behavior. It's a lot the fault of their caretakers who allow or reward their behavior. A tyrant that gets his or her way is rewarded for esculating their behaviors. They soon can not get enough of what they want because they are unhappy as they do not fit in. Others do not nurture them as they are not fair. Fairness seems to be an inborn desire. 

 

If a person has an enlarged Lower Nature, by genetics, or from accidents, or learned, boundaries, rules have to be in place and they are expected to follow the rules or no rewards. Punishment teaches how to be a tyrant, in that case the punisher is the tyrant. It is basically a battle of the wills. To win over the spoilt on a person has to patiently not allow the tyrant to get rewarded unless they are socially correct. Love is fine, children need assurance, but no additional attention unless the rules are followed. The caretaker can not get angry or the child will be negatively rewarded, they win by upsetting you.

June 26, 2015 at 6:00 PM Flag Quote & Reply

You must login to post.